"When I say it doesn't hurt me, that means I can bear it.
Nevertheless, I still feel the pain."
-Killua

I don't know what I'm going to write.
I just felt that I needed it.

Here's the thing.
If you don't mean it, or not sure about a thing, don't do it, okay?
Because I won't.
You don't know me, but I tell you now.
I won't do a thing unless I'm sure about it.
I'm not gonna give or show you a fake part of me.
Unless your attitudes made me to.

One more.
Fuck you for today.
Now. Leave.

My dreams are only lasted for a night because I turn them into plans in the morning.
- Chita, 2014

People say you don't know what you've got til it's gone, but the truth is you just never thought you'd ever lost it.

- Unknown

If you let someone choose for you, make sure that they will be there if you failed.
Which is they won't.
Which is you shouldn't.

Chita, 2014

On September 18, 2013, yes on my birthday, a young man invited me to sit down with him in a round table and have lunch together.
He shook my hand, which he rarely did - he didn't even touch me lots, greeting a happy birthday.
While we ate, we talked.
We usually talk, but never as deep as that day.
We both talked about our fathers, who already passed away many years ago.
I don't usually talked about my dad. Because it makes me teared up and I don't like crying.
But we did.
And then he wished me a beautiful thing.
"I wish you'd die young."
To die young is my wish.
Because I don't want to live long.
It looks exhausting to stay in one body for that long with that old soul.
But I've never met one who have that same thought with me.
And it just always stay in certain place in the back of my mind since then.
This morning I woke up with his kind words again and I feel like need tk write this down here.
I want to remember that for once, I met a man who dreamt the same dream as me, even it's only about death.

"And now it's time for one last bow.
Like your other selves.
Eleven's hour is over now.
The clock is striking twelve."

Eleven put down his bowtie and fez on Christmas night 2013.
After serving us all adventures in time and space for 3 years, Matt Smith decided to retire from being the Eleventh Doctor.
It was such big shoes to fill after Tennant.
I felt like he wasn't quite the Doctor until season 6.
It took kinda long for me to enjoy his performance. But I get there, eventually.

Somehow, Doctor Who always makes me feel like I was the companion.
I felt like I was Rose when it was Ten.
And then I felt like I was Amy when it was Eleven.
That's why I love Ten and Eleven felt like a childhood bestfriend for me.

It was hard to let go of Ten.
It's always hard to let go of your love.
But can you imagine let go of a childhood bestfriend?

Eleven,
Thank you for being a bestfriend for me, for all Whovian who feels so.
Thank you for making everything awkward looks cool. And makes cool is not cool.
Thank you for the drunk giraffe dance. Now I know how to awkwardly dance and doesn't feel ashamed to it.
Thank you for the bow ties, fez, stetson, fish fingers and custard.
Thank you for the laugh you gave after we cried in The Eleventh Hour.
Thank you for everything.

Matt Smith,
Good luck. And good night, our raggedy man.