I have this thing that when someone told me I'm not capable to do something, it makes me want to do it.
As someone who is a littlw perfectionist, I dislike being told about what I'm not capable of.
I can't remember exactly when I started being like this. The first event that I remember is when I was in Math class, last year of high school.
We had same teacher as when we did the year before. I never liked Math, never paid attention or did any works.
But it was our last year in high school and our grades were (kind of) determining whether we're going to graduate or not. And maybe the teacher was even more anxious than the students so he started teaching more seriously.
One day, he told me to solve a problem on the whiteboard. I told him I can't, because I don't understand.
(Yeah, I've always been that frontal >_>)
He raised his eyebrows (he's not the type that yell and mad and do all scary teachers do, btw) and smirked, "This is very easy and you can't solve it? Tsk tsk. Go sit then."
I felt bad. Either it was because I felt belittled, or guilty, or ashamed of my self.
But I replied to him, "Fine, I'll solve this. Give me 5 minutes!"
Then I went to my smartest friend in class and learned from her.
The result? I did it correctly and since then, I did every single homework, solved most of given problems, did all exams by myself, and got 9.75 in the final exam (even higher score than my English score!).

The most recent is when I told my mom I'm going to pay for my brother's college tuition. And she (and my stepfather) told me to not to. Because they thought I'm not able to keep that kind of commitment. They're afraid I'm going to fail in midways and will leave my brother helpless.
My reaction was "No. I'm going to pay. I don't care if you think I can't, but I'm going to and I will commit until he graduates."

It's a shame that people need to belittle me to make me stand taller and do better, really haha. Maybe all I need is a little motivation and the satisfaction feeling of proofing people's bad thoughts about me are wrong.
The problem is, I don't always meet people telling me like that. So while that kind of people isn't around, I need to find a better motivation to keep on going.

Selamat pagi, Tuhan...
Terima kasih atas permulaan dari 24 tahunnya saya hidup di dunia.
Terima kasih untuk setiap milidetiknya.
Terima kasih untuk setiap pengalamannya.
Terima kasih ketika saya berada di atas, terlebih ketika saya berada di bawah.
Terima kasih untuk berbagai rasa yg telah saya rasakan.
Terima kasih untuk setiap urat senyum maupun setiap tetes air mata.
Terima kasih untuk setiap wajah yg saya lihat, setiap tangan yg saya sentuh, dan setiap suara yg saya dengar.
Terima kasih untuk setiap ilmu dan ingatan yg saya dapatkan.
Terima kasih untung keluarga dan temen-temen saya.
Terima kasih, untuk hidup.

Itu yg selalu jadi pegangan gue, sampe gue jadiin banner blog ini.
Karena sejak kelas 3 SMA, temen-temen gue semakin berkurang.
Mungkin karena attitude gue yg katanya egois dan sering bikin sakit hati orang lain.
Mungkin karena gue terlalu keukeuh sama prinsip gue.
Mungkin memang ga jodoh aja dalam berteman hehe.

Setelah lulus, temen gue semakin sedikit aja. Sisa temen dari SMA sibuk kuliah, bahkan ada yg di luar kota, dan punya temen-temen baru juga.
Kalo ada reuni, gue ga pernah mau dateng karena ngeri ketemu sama orang-orang yg dulu ga akur sama gue. Ngeri? Iya ngeri.
Ga akur sama temen cewek itu ngeri.

Sampe terus, gue dihubungin Rama buat gabung di forum filmnya. Gue kenalan lagi sama banyak orang baru. Ketemu temen-temen baru yg bisa bikin ketawa kayak gue ga pernah ketawa haha.
Selalu nyenengin ketemu mereka, walaupun gue satu di antara dua atau tiga cewek yg ngumpul bareng, biasanya sih.
Gue jadi punya temen lagi (hore!).
Gue juga jadi punya kegiatan baru.
Sampai sekarang.
Makasih Rama!

Trus pindah ke kosan juga nambah temen baru. Cewek semua!
Tapi alhamdulillah temen-temen kosan walaupun cantik-cantik tapi pada smart dan kalo ngobrol ga soal diet, kecantikan, gosip doang. Tapi juga sharing tentang banyak hal.

Kemarin naik gunung rame-rame juga bikin nambah temen-temen baru. Yg tadinya ga kenal, jadi kenal bahkan cela-celaan.

Sekarang, temen mainnya lebih banyak cowok daripada cewek.
Seru. Ketawa mulu.
Gue seneng ketawa.
Walau kadang ngerasanya gue ngebebanin mereka, karena gue cewek sendiri kan pastinya mereka gimanaaa gitu hahaha.

Tapi untung temen-temen kosan dan kantor menyeimbangkan. Tetep bisa sharing masalah cewek. Tetep bisa curhat galau penuh perasaan. Tetep bisa nanya lotion apa yg paling melembabkan kulit hahaha.

Intinya sih, gue bersyukur sama hidup gue sekarang.
Bersyukur karena gue ga berusaha mati-matian untuk temenan sama orang-orang yg bikin gue ga nyaman cuma demi alasan biar punya temen.
Mungkin kalo gue tetep temenan dan bergantung sama mereka, gue ga bisa ketemu dan temenan sama temen-temen gue sekarang, karena stuck di satu circle itu aja.