A Way to Remember by CHITA

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I'm sorry that I'm stubborn, I don't listen what you told me, I have bad eating habits, I get angry easily, I get sad easily, that I'm basically a pain in your ass.
But I get so excited around you, I'm so happy with you, and I want to be always with you.

Probably it's just that you never can say what you want to say, that you hold back too much, that you thought I dislike you, that it's okay to treat me that way.

But it's alright, I guess?
We lost each other before, yet we met again.
So I think, if we meant to be together, we'll see each other again one day.
I just hope that it'll be in a nice circumstances, that it'll be in a happy day, in a delightful way.
If not, I'd rather not to meet you again.

Because I'd like to remember you as a kind boy whom I liked back when I was 16. And I liked in the end of my 23.
The boy whose smile makes my day. The boy who couldn't say no - because he's too kind like that.

And I'd like to be remembered as that girl who remember your birthday after 6 years since you told me first. The girl who spoke her mind. The girl you tried to fix.
But failed.

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1DAY

I've come to notice about this particular thing, lately.
About how ladies are being defined by their men.
Like, my friend told me she couldn't weigh any more because her boyfriend would dislike her. Or her skin should stay glowing. Or she couldn't cut her hair because he likes it long. Or she couldn't act crazy like she was around her friends at home with her husband. Some things like that.

Those things scare me.
Those things make me think that relationships are scary things. Especially when you're defined by other persons or you can't be you around someone that, ironically, you choose to spend the rest of your life together with.

Maybe it's only because I spend my whole life define my own self and not let anyone tells me who I am.
Maybe because I feel that I can do whatever I want to do as long as it's not a bad thing and I enjoy it.

I don't know which is right or wrong.
Maybe neither is.
But I feel like it'd be so sad if you need to stay skinny or looked good or 24/7 well-behaved because someone else wants you to.
Someone else who is supposed to accept you as you are. Whoever you are.

When I am with someone, I want him to let me by my own true self around him. I want him to be my most trusted person, my best buddy, someone I can talk to about everything - not just anything.
Because I'm willing to spend the rest of my life committed to him, only to him. And I don't want to be not less than comfortable with him.

I hope he won't scold me when I look chubbier. Or get my skin tanner.
I hope he won't disagree when I act childish. Or want to watch cartoons on weekends.
I hope he won't mad when I want to stay on bed longer and feel a bit lazy even though the weather is nice outside.
I hope he won't question me when there are weird places I want to visit with him.
I hope he will support me whoever I am and will be.
Because that's what I plan to do with him.

So yeah, it's a long journey, indeed, to find someone like that.
But I believe that God is kind enough to give me someone that I want, not just what I need.

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