It always come in April.
When your face in my dreams and all in my mind is like, why did you go and never come back?
But it's almost 11 years.
And i never get an answer.
I just keep telling my self everything's alright and you are now in a beautiful place.

I just miss your laughs, smiles, and voices.
And everything's between.
I miss your goodmorning, goodnight, and kisses before i went sleep.
I miss your ride and DVDs time when i cant shut my eyes right.
And when we watch a lion eats a deer in a Wild Life.

You loved to watch me swing next to your cigarettes.
And when you brought me to a beach and i slept in your knees.
You loved to wake me up in a middle of the night.
Just to tell me happy birthday and blow the candle light.
And now, do you know why didnt i celebrate my birthday?
Because my birthday without you is not a merry day.

I miss our board-games
I even cant play it anymore.
I miss when you wipe my tears away or mad when i cant hold it back.
Because you told me that the tear is not good.
And i should not let it away.
I love your love to make people smile and that's i hardly to try.

Dear father, i wont go further than i used to be.
I keep strong, i keep smile, i keep like your daughter was.
I just miss you more than i can.

I just wonder what it will be if you're still here with me.
Will we fight or hug, i dont know which.
But i'm sure i wont miss you this bad.



NB: Try to rhyme this with song hihi. I love you, Father

Kalo ada papa, mungkin gue jadi manja banget sama dia.
Mungkin kita bakal mancing bareng, bikin rumah-rumah buat hewan-hewan kita, belajar bahasa Inggris bareng, nonton dvd, dan jalan-jalan ke pasar hewan lagi.
Mungkin papa bisa ngeledekin gue saat status fb gue cheesy. Nebak-nebak apa maksudnya sambil terus bikin gue senyum-senyum ga karuan.
Mungkin juga gue akan mengenalkan papa ke cowok itu dengan canggung. Apa papa akan suka apa ga. Mungkin gue dan papa bakal berantem karena ga sepakat.
Mungkin gue bakal nangis di pelukan papa waktu cowok itu nyebelin dan papa bakal bilang 'kan papa udah bilang...' hahaha.

Mungkin begini, mungkin begitu.

Well, ga ada yg tau karena itu cuma 'kalau papa ada'.

Setelah mimpi waktu itu, mimpiin papa maksudnya. Gue jadi lebih tenang.
Rasa kangen gue yg selama ini menggunung dan melembah, sekarang berkurang.
Rasanya kayak udah melepas rindu.
Rasanya mirip seperti 'Nanti habis urusan ini selesai mau ketemu papa'.
Begitu terus.
Padahal ga tau kapan lagi ketemu Papa.
Berasa lagi ditungguin sama Papa.

Tadi pagi, mungkin sekitar jam 4 atau 5, gue kebangun dan tertidur lagi.
Pas itulah gue mimpi seseorang yg paling gue rindukan sejagat raya ini.

Papa.

Mimpinya gue ga begitu jelas awalnya. Pokoknya ngedaki sesuatu. Batu-batu gitulah.
Pas sampe atas rame.
Ada Ma' Oti (adenya mbah putri yg udah meninggal), Mbah Putri, om Punjung, sama Papa.
Pas liat papa gue langsung peluk dia sambil nangis kejer. Kangen!
Mbah nangis liat gue, om Punjung bilang 'Ta, inget Ta, inget'.
Dan gue langsung bangun sambil nangis-nangis.

Semuanya berasa nyata.
Gue jelas banget ngeliat Papa. Muka Papa, badannya, pelukannya.
Kayak bukan mimpi. Kayak beneran.
Kayak kita emang lama ga ketemu dan baru ketemu lagi.

Makasih ya Allah udah ngizinin aku ketemu Papa di mimpi. Peluk Papa. Terasa nyata.

I love You, God.
I miss you, dad :')

I just think about him and write something to him.
Wish he’ll read it.

**

Dear my lovely and best man in the whole world,
Sorry for bothering you. Again.
It seems like I couldn’t move on right?
Oh please, don’t laugh at me.
That’s true, I just cant move on.
Move on? Then forget you? Nope. Never.
I wanna stay here. Still remember you. Still love you.

Ok, I admit.
I miss you, Pap. As usual.
Do you miss me?
I wish you do.

I just think if you still here, still with me, still ALIVE.
Ehm, that ‘alive’ word make me have a tummy attack hahaha.
Do you proud of me?
I’m not as good as you hope to.
I’m bad.
I just don’t know how to make my life, a lil full after you’re gone.

I miss you, Pap.
Are you bored with those words?

I miss our time.
I miss the way you talk.
I miss the time we’re together. Studying, working on machine, being carpenters, biking, jogging, riding vespa around town, shopping, go to Taman Mini, walking around Jatinegara.
I wanna go to those places again. Taman Mini and Jatinegara.
Those are the last places that you and me went to.
I miss your exercises every morning.
I miss your guitar and harmonica. Teach me please, huh?
I miss go to Tawangmangu, with you.
I miss your life.

It’s tiring to cry everytime I think of you.
I wanna live with a normal family, somehow.
I have the greatest Papa in the whole world who love his family more than anything.
Why must I lose that?
I know your ‘life’ now is better.
Maybe mine, too.
But I need you. Your love. Your careness.
I miss your hugs and your ‘goodnight’ greetings.
Don’t you know that?

Ok, it’s nonsense if I write this.
It wont stop.
I cant even stop it.

I note a point, I miss you.
Got it, Pap?
Good. Bye now.
Love you, always.


Sincerely yours,


Chita