I once was that kind of person who lives for the weekend. Loathe Mondays. And only be thankful when it's Friday.

Then I thought, how unlucky I am if I spend my whole productive life being that kind of person.

I don't want it.

I want to be a person who lives everyday. Who doesn't hate Monday. Who enjoys the working days, even maybe can't be as much as the weekends. Who doesn't wait until Friday to have fun.

Weekend has only two days a week while weekdays has five days a week. Roughly, we will only live for 30% of our lives if we only live for the weekend.

How sad is that life?

To always enjoy life is not easy.
Even imagining it is not easy.
But we can do it if we focus on the positive things, doesn't matter how small it is.

When you woke up late then stuck in a heavy traffic, you almost can't see a positive thing. But if you can't do anything about it, then don't stress it.

Okay, I know some people are like to stress over things. Over small things. Over things they don't have a power on.

Me too.

But now I'm trying to stress only when I can do something about it.
I stress when I'm late and I feel like I don't walk fast enough. Then I run.
I stress when I have many things to do. But try to cut it off when it's finished.
Even though I didn't do well enough. Or feel like I didn't do well.
But once it's finished, my stress won't help anything.
I have realized that stressing over something that happened in the past won't change the result. Even though sometimes, not stressing about things feel wrong. And if the result is not well, it's because we don't stress enough about it.

Believe me, I know that feeling.

It needs process.
But I believe we can get there eventually.

Not stressing about things.
Always enjoy our days.
Trying to see the positive on everything.

But, like someone once said:
One day or day one, you decide

"Kok dia jago banget sih main musiknya? Bakat deh pasti!"
"Enak ya punya otak pinter, nggak usah belajar capek-capek tapi dapet nilai bagus."
"Kerjaan dia enak ya, gitu-gitu doang tapi uangnya banyak."

Sounds familiar?
Nggak?
Kalo nggak juga nggak apa-apa.
Kalo iya... sama dong!

Nggak bisa bohong, terkadang (nggak selalu!) memang ada rasa kayak gitu.
Merasa hidup itu nggak adil banget (ya emang hidup itu nggak adil sih, makanya ada akhirat :P) tapi inget tentang ketidakadilan cuma pas kita lagi merasa tertindas aja.
Pas lagi enak mikirnya hidup itu adil hahaha.

Memang ada sebagian kecil orang yang punya kemampuan lebih di bidang tertentu. Yang ingatannya bagus, sehingga otomatis kalau mau ujian, dia tinggal mengulang sedikit aja nilainya udah 9.
Dan ada juga sebagian kecil lainnya yang merasa udah belajar semalam suntuk buat ngapalin selama seminggu tapi kok nggak masuk-masuk. Atau udah merasa bisa, tapi nilainya segitu-segitu aja.

Nggak usah bahas yang bagian itu lah.
Nanti panjang.

Bahas yang biasa aja.
Karena gue percaya, di mana ada kemauan, di situ ada jalan.
Dan kerja keras itu tidak akan pernah mengkhianati hasil.
Insya Allah.

Kenapa tiba-tiba bahas ini?

Karena minggu lalu gue ke workshop dengan Marco Steffiano dan Tesla Manaf sebagai pembicara.
Detailnya nggak perlu gue ceritain. Nanti panjang.
Intinya di situ gue dapet pelajaran simple yang berharga.
Tentang betapa kerja keras itu memang perlu.

Kata Marco, Barasuara itu latihan di studio selama dua tahun demi mencapai hasil yang mereka inginkan.
Dua tahun lho.
Gila.
Kebayang nggak punya adik atau kakak yang selama dua tahun kalo ditanya mau ke mana jawabannya, "Mau latihan ngeband."
Bahkan mungkin banyak yang baru latihan ngeband beberapa bulan udah males. Atau udah kepengen manggung. Atau mulai pecah karena satu per satu personilnya nggak dateng latihan lagi.
Belum sukses aja udah bubar, piye?
Jadi menurut gue emang Barasuara ini sekarang sedang menuai hasil latihan mereka itu,
Nggak sia-sia kan latihan dua tahun, mereka menang best live act dari Rolling Stone Indonesia di tahun 2016.

Marco juga cerita kalau Gerald Situmorang itu punya stock lagu sebanyak lebih dari 200 lagu.
Jadi lagu-lagu ciptaan Gerald yang kita denger selama ini itu cuma sebagian kecilnya aja.
Kalo kita udah nyiptain lebih dari 200 lagu sih pasti ada kan yang bagus, walaupun cuma satu.
Tapi kalo baru nyiptain 20 lagu aja tapi udah kesel karena lagunya nggak ada yang bagus, lalu kamu berhenti... duh!

Tesla juga berpendapat demikian walau di hari itu kita nggak sedang membahas tentang kerja keras sebagai tema.
Dia menyarankan, kalau mau main musik dengan bagus, kuncinya cuma latihan.
"Latihan lagu yang lo suka, sampai lo benci sama lagu itu, cinta lagi, benci lagi, cinta lagi, terus aja begitu"
Bahkan dia pernah mengarahkan suatu band yang selama beberapa waktu harus latihan dengannya selama 10-12 jam setiap harinya.
Karena dia memang sangat percaya kalau mau jadi lebih baik, kuncinya ya cuma latihan.

Kalau nggak salah gue pernah denger Hanuraga bilang kalau main piano bukanlah first nature-nya dia. Entah apa, dia nggak cerita.
Dia bisa main piano kayak sekarang itu karena latihan keras.
He has chosen piano so he works harder for it.
Bukan cuma sekedar yang merasa berbakat lalu latihan seadanya dan bisa jadi kayak dia.

Seringnya kita nggak tau, atau nggak mau tau, tentang proses di balik sebuah pencapaian.
Dan ketika sudah tau pun, nggak mau untuk berada di posisi mereka untuk menjalani proses yang sama.
Walaupun menurut gue sih salah kalo kita mau sukses seperti Agnes Monica tapi ngikutin jalannya Agnes secara identikal. Karena setiap orang-orang punya cara dan jalannya sendiri.
Choose the one which will suit you the best!

Banyak sih quotes tentang hard work yang berseliweran dan bisa dipilih yang mana yang bisa memotivasi diri kita secara optimal.

Mari berusaha (lebih) keras!

As humans, we are so scared of failures.
We often think failures are scars we forever bear.
Or that it means we can't accomplish something, other than treat it as obstacle before succeed.

My self?
I'm one hell coward person.
I often said, "Life is too short to make mistakes".
I still believe that it's true.
Hence, I think everything very thoroughly and you won't find me doing something without thinking.
Even though it's as simple as choosing dinner.

Then yesterday, I came across this post by my fave singer, Adhitia Sofyan.
I'm a fan of him since NuBuzz 2008. Until now.
And I've been listening to his latest album, Silver Painted Radiance quite a lot lately.

This part though:

"About “Find Who You Are” minute 0:00

This song is about self-encouragement. You want to become something that you’ve been dreaming of, but there’s lots of baggage holding you back; fear, not knowing, self-doubt, dark past, etc. But these baggage can’t drag you back no matter what, because even though you are afraid or unsure, you know who you truly are. So the mantra in this song is the question “Who you are if you can’t fail?” – if you can’t fail, if failure does not exist in this world, who would you be, what would you want to achieve? now be that person."

That part slapped me right on my face.
Who you are if you can't fail?

Really.

If you will take action and it will succeed, you know it will, because failure doesn't exist, who would you be today? What else would you want to achieve?
Would you be a different person than who you are today?

Absolutely.

Maybe I would be abroad.
Either studying, working, or traveling.
Because hell, why wouldn't I be, if I can't fail?

Surround yourself with people who are smarter, happier, crazier, and basically better than you. That's an important thing to remember. They will make you humble. You will learn something new every day. Which I think is what life is all about: to learn everyday.

Dari umur 8 tahun, saya merasa kalo kematian itu dekeeeeet sekali dengan saya dan ada di mana2.
Saya rasa itu yg akan kamu rasakan kalo sewaktu kamu 8 tahun, kamu ngeliat Ayahmu sakaratul maut tepat di depan matamu.

Jadi saya tidak pernah takut mati.
Bukannya sombong, tapi memang tidak.
Kalo meninggal, berarti saya bisa ketemu Papa, insya Allah mungkin juga bisa ketemu nabi Muhammad dan ketemu Allah.
Waktu kecil dan sehabis Papa meninggal, saya berasanya lebih deket sama Allah, cerita-cerita sama Allah, kalo takut inget sama Allah, kalo seneng makasihnya sama Allah.
Sama nabi Muhammad juga, karena hidup beliau yg sedemikian rupa, saya ngerasanya cuma nabi Muhammad yg bisa ngertiin saya dan gantiin sosok Papa. Dulu beberapa kali mimpi dijemput sama nabi Muhammad dan diajak pergi-pergi. Seneng banget.
Mungkin itu maksudnya kalo anak yatim itu jadi kesayangan Allah dan Rasul.
That's a side story.

Sampe sekarangpun saya masih "melihat" kematian di sekitar saya.
Setiap ketemu sama orang yg kurang baik atau sombong, dalam hati saya selalu berpikir, "Kalo kamu besok meninggal sementara hari ini kamu masih berbuat kurang baik seperti ini, alangkah kurang beruntungnya kamu"
Saya juga sering baca2 blog/Twitter/facebook saya dan mengira2, jika saya meninggal, apa hal terakhir yg saya ucapkan. Semoga saja itu baik.

Dan makin ke sini, perasaan "tidak takut mati" itu semakin menenangkan.
Seakan-akan semakin jelas kalau dunia itu benar-benar hanya sementara.
Kalau diperlakukan tidak adil, ya sudah.
Jangan mencari keadilan di dunia, ga ada habisnya. Nanti kan ada akhirat, jauh lebih adil. Ga perlu bikin pembelaan juga :)

Semoga aja kapanpun kematian menjemput, kita semua siap dan ikhlas.

Untuk saya, jika kematian menjemput, saya senang sekali.
Berarti saya bisa ketemu orang-orang dan Dzat Maha Tinggi yg selama ini saya rindukan.
Berarti saya sudah selesai tugasnya di dunia, tinggal mempertanggungjawabkannya.
Berarti saya bisa retired dari hidup dan memulai "hidup" di afterlife.

A person said,
"Forget yesterday. It has already forgotten you.
Don't sweat tomorrow. You haven't even met.
Instead, open your eyes, and your heart to a truly precious gift: today."

It's some pretty words, really.
But I only agree with the last line.

Personally, I'm a person who believed that we are not supposed to forget the past and just live the present.
The past, no matter how hard it made you cry, how far it knocked you down, how long it gave you pain, was there to give you some lessons.
Don't let the bad times just passed you by.
Make it worth. Learn something. Never forget.
We always, always can learn from the past.
If we just let it go, when the problem comes again, we would start it from zero.
Because we don't remember the past.
That's why we're taught History for a few good years.

And why don't sweat tomorrow?
I like living in tomorrow. I even like living in next week.
I like planning. I like knowing what I would have in the future.
When people only know what they would do in an hour, you must know what you would do in 6 hours.
When people have plans for tomorrow, you should have ones for next week.
I know that some people like living like water and let the life flows.
But we are not water.
Maybe, if water has feet and brains, it wouldn't like to follow the stream.
Maybe it would run off its track and go elsewhere.
Don't you realize that, only dead fish that follows the stream?

Saya ngerasa kadang (atau sering) terlalu sensitif dan emosional terhadap suatu keadaan.
Kayak, waktu ada temen online yang putus (saya kenal keduanya), saya ikutan sediiiih banget. Dan waktu saya bilang ke si cewek kalau saya ikutan sedih, dia malah ngerasa aneh, "Kenapa lo jadi ikutan sedih?"
Haha, bener juga, kesannya gue creep abis.

Sekarang, Nisa, temen saya dari SMA (temen cewek saya dari SMA bisa dihitung pake jari tangan) sudah lulus, wisuda, dan hari ini dia pulang ke Bogor.
Ngedenger itu saya jadi ikutan sedih. Sedih banget sampe bisa nangis kalo diterusin.

Hal itu berlaku sebaliknya juga.
Kalo ada kabar gembira, saya bisa sampe nangis terharu atau ngerasa bangga ga normal.

Mungkin bagi orang lain aneh, atau aneh banget malah.
Saya aja ngerasa aneh.
Ketika saya ngedenger masalah atau berita, saya berusaha menempatkan posisi saya sebagai objek tersebut. Itu membantu sekali kalau orang butuh masukan dari saya. Dan itu kebawa sampe ke banyak hal.

Saya tipe orang yang kalau saya nge-like foto atau postingan di manapun, berarti saya beneran suka.
Seumur-umur baru dua kali saya ngelike foto dengan alasan ngevote temen. Bukannya ga suka juga, that's just not me.
Posting di Path pun begitu. Saya ga posting sesuatu yg sekiranya mereka suka. Atau ngelike post orang lain supaya mereka ngelike balik.

Jadi ya inilah saya.
Kalau saya bilang kangen, sayang, pengen ketemu, ngucapin selamat, ngedoain, itu bukan cuma sekedar ekspresi.
Itu dari hati yang kadang saya harap, orang lain bisa ngeliat tentang itu.

Waktu kecil saya punya asma yang sering kambuh. Ga boleh jajan es.
Sekarang saya alhamdulillah sudah lebih sehat dan asmanya sudah ga pernah kambuh. Jadi boleh jajan es hehe.

Waktu umur 8 tahun, saya ditinggal Papa.
Tapi saya ga ditinggal Mama juga. Dan keluarga saya (khususnya keluarga Papa) masih peduli sama saya dan adik-adik saya.

Waktu SMP, temen-temen saya pada suka beli novel. Sedangkan saya cuma bisa minjem walau kepengen juga punya tapi uang jajan terbatas. Akhirnya cuma kesampean nulis novel-novelan doang yang dibaca sama temen-temen deket haha.
Sekarang saya bisa beli buku apapun yang saya mau (yah walau masih terbatas juga range harganya), tanpa perlu cuma kepengen aja hehe.

Waktu SMA, temen-temen saya punya gadget yang oke, bisa nge-mall dan nonton film di bioskop sepulang sekolah, atau sibuk les bahasa Inggris. Saya waktu itu uang jajannya masih terbatas, dan keluarga saya bukan orang kaya, saya ga bisa mengikuti gaya hidup mereka, jadinya ya ga bisa nonton sering-sering karena ga punya uang, ga punya gadget kayak mereka juga, dan ga ikut les bahasa Inggris juga.
Sekarang, saya ga peduli apa saya punya gadget sebagus orang lain atau nggak haha. Saya bisa nonton film mana aja yang saya mau, sesering apapun. Bahasa Inggris saya juga ga jelek walau ga pernah ikut les kayak mereka hehe.

Saya nulis hal-hal di atas bukan untuk apa-apa sih.
Cuma kemarin sempet terbesit aja di pikiran (maklum, akhir tahun, udah musimnya introspeksi), betapa hidup saya sudah berubah.
Saya bukan dari keluarga yang kaya.
Saya tinggal dengan keluarga om saya dari tahun 2001, karena Papa saya meninggal dan saya memilih untuk tidak tinggal dengan Mama karena saya tidak mau merepotkan beliau.
Tidak seperti anak-anak lain yang tinggal dengan orang tuanya maka mungkin bisa meminta banyak hal ke orang tuanya.
Saya nggak.
Saya pernah juga meminta, tapi lama kelamaan saya berhenti meminta jika itu tidak berhubungan dengan hal sekolah.
Malah sekarang, saya udah lupa rasanya meminta ke orang lain.

Tapi saya bersyukur karena saya tidak dididik di keluarga dengan lingkungan yang memberi saya semua yang sama mau.
Dari dulu saya selalu dipaksa untuk memlih, lalu untuk menentukan prioritas.

Kalau saya punya uang jajan 10 ribu, saya mau makan siang atau disimpen untuk main di akhir pekan?

Sampai sekarang pun begitu.

Mau makan di tempat bergengsi atau buat beli buku?
Mau ganti handphone atau les bahasa?
Mau belanja baju atau dikasih ke Mama?

Sampai sekarang masih terbawa seperti itu.
Saya pernah dari gaji, saya cuma memegang uang 500ribu sebulan, karena saya waktu itu dalam kondisi menyicil motor dan laptop.
Tapi itu pilihan yang saya lebih suka daripada uangnya habis untuk hang out atau beli gadget yang lalu saya ganti lagi setahun kemudian.
Saya ga mau sepuluh tahun lagi saya berhitung dan merasa terlalu banyak yang saya habiskan untuk hal-hal yang tidak bisa dipunyai. Baik wujud ataupun sifatnya.
Saya mau ketika saya berhitung, saya tahu ke mana uang jerih payah saya pergi.
Karena saya ga mau bekerja dan menghasilkan uang untuk bersenang-senang.
Saya bekerja 8 jam sehari bukan agar diri saya di masa depan punya kenangan menghabiskan waktu makan di berbagai tempat atau pergi ke banyak mall.
I lost 8 hours a day and I'll damn make sure that it'll be worth it.

It's nearly New Year!
And like billion other people, I also LOVE making resolutions.
I also made the list of It Things of the year so I won't forget what boldly happened in that year.
But I won't talk about that list, for now.
I'm gonna talk about resolution. And making them.

I don't remember exactly when making it become my annual ritual.
Since I was still writing them in journal, notebooks, then blog. It's been 10 years or more probably.
I sometimes like to ask to my friends if they made resolutions too.
Many of them don't.
Some says, what's the point, I will forget it anyway.

Well yeah, I don't remember all my 20 resolutions every single day either. But that's not the point.

When you want something, sometimes you say it aloud, by telling your close people that you want to do it, or you want to buy it, etc. You don't tell them "I'll buy it next month." It's just an expression.
Even when you finally buy it, probably you've forgotten about people whom you told about it.
Making resolutions is like that.
It's like discussing with yourself about what you want, what you plan. And by writing it down, it's like saying it aloud.
You probably won't remember all of it, but every single your body cell witnessed it. They know what you want and they'll do something to make it happen. That's called semesta mendukung.

And personally for me, writing things like that is another way to be grateful of my life.
That if I had one more year to live, it's what I want to do, to be.
I won't live like a water, because I'm a human.
I'm not gonna let my life flows, I'm gonna steer it, direct it to the place where I plan to be.
And by looking back to the previous years' resolution, you could see how far you've walked.
And tell you what, it's a wonderful thing when you find a moment, "Oh I'm glad I didn't give up.".

I actually don't know what to write.
I feel sad, hurt, disappointed, but happy at the same time.
You said you didn't want to disappoint me. Or anyone.
But you can't help it.
Maybe for you, it was just another hello, then another goodbye.
Maybe for you, it was easy to let me go.
Or to get me back.
Maybe it was me and my stupid thought telling me that everything is gonna be alright.
While actually, most of things are falling apart.

Disaat orang lain membahasakan dirinya dipanggil aunty oleh keponakan atau anak dari sebayanya, saya masih ingin dipanggil tante, atau bulik.

Disaat orang-orang meminta anaknya memanggilnya Bunda atau Mami, saya ingin dipanggil Ibu.

Saya juga masih ingin membahasakan anak-anak saya nanti, insya Allah, kapanpun itu, dengan panggilan Mas atau Mbak.

Sederhana dan simpel sebenernya, dan bukan masalah besar.
Cuma bagi saya kedengerannya beda aja. Beda rasanya.

You might not know this that that song always reminds me of you.
Those two words remind me of you.
Because I believe, we will be forever and always.
Even we're together or not.
Because you're so important to me.
Even I never told you.
But you know.
You most likely know.
We are not simple.
Our lives are not simple.
The thing we have is never simple.
I slap myself everytime I ask for someone's opinion about how I should do with you.
Because if I don't know the answer, that means they won't either.
And it hurts me so much. And it makes me cry.
Literally cry.
Our choices aren't as simple as:
Stay or leave.
Yes or no.
Love or like.
Talk or shut up.
Lover or else.
We are both.
Do you hear that? We are both.
I have many things to tell you.
I have many things to do with you.
Leaving you, is one of them.
But would I? Could I?
A favourite movie of mine said this but I'm going to change it slightly a bit for you.
If someday I leave you, it's not because I don't love you.
It's because I do.
And it's not because I miss you.
Because I miss you already.
Maybe our story are going to end soon.
Our time is running out.
We are not as young as we were five years ago.
We don't have another five years to waste.
I want to move on with my life. And you should too.
Maybe in several years we'll see each other again in different place.
Maybe we won't be able to talk for hours until late like we did last time.
Maybe we'll be busy with our own lives.
Or maybe,
Maybe we won't meet again.
Just keep my words:
You are amazing. You are important. You are kind and wonderful.
I want you to have the best possible life because you deserve it.
I enjoyed every single hour I spent with you.
And I enjoyed the sweet torture you gave me.
You made me feel lots of things.
Complicated things that I've never felt about before.
No one could give me the feeling before. Because you are special.
And you will always be.
I didn't lie when I told you that you're my favourite.
You are.
Forever and always.

I can't promise you that I'll still love you when I wake up in 7 days.
I can't even promise you that I'll be here tomorrow morning.
I have no power on tomorrow and I won't give you any bull shit by lying about the future.
But if you don't know it yet, or just simply blinded with whatever thing in your eyes, I still love you as much as the first time I told you, 5 years ago. Or even more than I did.
And if it's not enough for you, I don't know what is.

I'm not perfect, so you don't have to be perfect.
I don't want you to be perfect.
We don't have to be perfect.
Even don't need to be perfect for each other.
Our life doesn't have to be perfect.
Our choices can't be perfect.
What we have won't be perfect.
We can't be perfect.

Perfection means nothing's left to be fixed.
Perfection means nothing's left to learn.
I want the flaws. I need the mistakes.
I want to learn. I need to grow.
We can caught in fight. Then we can forgive.
We can be sad and cry. Then we can be full of laughter.

Who said you need to perfect?
I don't need you perfect.

There was someone like you a long time ago.
He was the kindest, the sweetest, talked like none other boys, he was as faithful as you, I assume.
But he was the first of all, who broke the heart in the end.
Leave the book unfinished, for newest shiny thing.
He made me think that nearly every boy is like that.
That they would treat me like he did.
I used to think that you were different.
But you know it better than I do about what you did about 2 months ago.
And you expect me to forget those things?
Like, past is in the past?
Sure it does, but doesn't we learn best from bad experience we had?

Please think about how much damage you've done before you spit out and walk away from someone's life after make her thinking you were the (different) one.
So much disappointments.

I just thought of it and I found it interesting.
Well it's not a complicated thing about science of social activity. My mind is pretty simple so we think simple things only. Leave the complications for the rest of body.
There are many habits of mine in texting.
Like, I have friends whom I 80% text them in English. Not sure since when but we are doing it.
I enjoy texting in English, but the thing is if you aren't used to do it to someone, you couldn't get the point of comfort.
Like, if someone asked me, "Could we start texting in English since today? I want to improve my English."
I probably can't. I probably can but it doesn't have a comfort point.
And probably, probably, for some people my habit of writing, posting everything in English bother them.
Like I said before, it's the matter of comfort.
I'm used to post Twitter or Path status in English so it's natural.
I do write in Indonesian too, I'm born and raised with that language, but sometimes there are things better explained in English.
I just try to not mix English and Indonesian in one sentence. Still do it. But believe me, I strongly dislike myself when I do that.
With my closest friends, I'm used to talk in capitals.
It is hilarious and fun and I love it.
But of course I can't do it with other people without them looking at me weird.
Like I talk to Sam with many exclamation marks because she does that and I like it.
But if I talked with many exclamation marks as I did with Sam then I would be mistaken as rude or impolite, I'm sure hahaha.

See,
That's why we have many personalities.
Because everyone wants to be treated differently.
Because life force us to treat people differently, in some ways.

Why can't you go when you can't stay?
So many words, so much times
So many promises were broken
I can't let you stay
But I don't want to let you go
We know what we want
But we don't say what we want
It's not us against the world
But it's the world against us
I stopped crying a while ago
But I still wish you'll be staying
Have you ever wonder how we will end?
I have so many thoughts, none of them are pretty
I know you're not good at promising
But if you only can promise me one thing
Please let it be that you'll always be in my life
Wherever you'll stay, whoever you'll be with
I want to know you for the years I have left
Like I've known you for the last five years

When I was younger, I pretty much didn't have many things that I wanted.
I was a realist, still a realist.
But now I believe about things, dreams, wishes, desires, and if I really work on them, they could really come true. Which I didn't, back when I was a teenager.
Silly, I know.

I have a great and truly inspiring coworker.
She's much older and I love learning everything from her.
And one about the wishing bit she told her was that everything we wished, hoped, wanted, even though we didn't really work on it, could come true.
Even it's in weeks, months, years, but it will eventually come true.
And that changed my point of view in big ways.

In my previous post I told about how my previous dreams all came true.
And now I basically left with no dreams lol.
Well, I still want to continue my education.
But this silly me still doesn't know what I want to be.
I would love to have a bakery or nice bookshop someday.
So I would probably need to take a baking course.

Other than that, I, sure, know I want to live abroad someday.
England, precisely. But anywhere English country, really.
But that's most unlikely to happen in any close time.
Unless, of course, if God said so.

And the other day, I had this light chat with my friend, Sam.
She lives in US and had lived in London, as well France.
I told her I would love to visit London someday, and she said she wouldn't let me visit London without her.
Then I think that it could really happen.
I mean, in my young age. Not in 10 years later or so.
I could really start saving my money and see if God gives me a way.

So other than taking baking course, live abroad, and visit London, I have one other big dreams: buying a nice house.
I'm not an out person. I spend most of my free times at home. Sitting in front of my laptop, watching movies, reading books, listening to music, watching concert videos, or writing a blog post, sometimes.
I go out only when I need to, like seeing friends, buying stuffs, eating, or seeing movies.
So I really want to have a nice house.
Not a big one, no, I don't quite a fan of big house. They kinda scare me lol.
Just a nice one. Comfy one.

And those are my new dreams.
Are you supposed to have big dreams when you're 22?
I think so.
When you have your own income, you've seen, heard, experienced more things than when you were a teenager, I think you're supposed to have bigger dreams.
But big things come with big responsibilities.
You know what?
I'm ready for them.

Do you remember what you wished when you were 5? Or 10? Or 15?
Nope? Me neither.
I grew wishing my Dad comes back alive after I was 8. And I didn't remember what I wished other than that.
But after I worked and could buy things I wanted, I started make wishing list - or things to buy.
And the first I made it was middle of 2012.
I wrote it in the google document. But I never checked it again after then.
I wrote it only as a declaration for my self, that those are things I want to buy, but not necessarily I must buy in very soon-ish.
I never remembered that particular list until recently, few days or so.
After I finally found English version of Harry Potter books I wanted so much, and finally, bought it!
Then I told my friend, "You know, this is what I've been wanted since God knows when."
And she told me, "God is kind, right? You may not remember when you wish it, but He still gives you."
Then I remembered, I had this one little list of things I wanted to buy. I found and read it.
And guess what, ALL of my wishing list have been come true!
I've bought all of things I wanted back in 2012. And I didn't even plan it!
Even more, the things I wanted that was not in the list!

The things I put on the list were basically things I always wanted for a long time.
Or things I really really really want.
One of them was Harry Potter books English version, which I've always wanted since what, I'm 15?
And I put them there because I'm not sure I could afford to buy them all, or at least in one year time.
But God made it comes true.
Not only He granted it in only 1,5 year time, He also lets me to buy them all by my own money!

Then I realized, that God really listens to every single wish, every single pray, that you may not say it, but your heart did.
We usually just complain on how He never listens to our prayings, and the things we think we need right now are the ones we don't have.
But we're wrong.
God knows the best time to make your wishes come true.
God knows the best way to make your wishes come true.
And God will make your wishes come true, when you're least expecting it.