Hi, my name is Chita and I'm 21 years old.

Think about it, it means I've been living and knowing the world for 21 years.
Some people said you're ONLY 21.
But damn! 21 years is a long time!
How far do I know about life after 21 years?
How far have I gone during my 21 years?
It makes me want to cry if I realized I didn't do much after 21 years I live.
Sad? No. Regret? No. Disappointed? Kind of. Grateful? Very much!
This is my first 21 years in my life.
It could be my last 21 years too, we don't know.
And don't look at me like that!
I'm a pessimist person who believe that death is only a few inches away from us all the time.

Well anyway,
I'm happy that my life is not boring.
I maybe lost some chances and things my friends had in their lives.
But I also gained and got what they never had.
And those were options.
I chose the different paths with the children at my age. So I end up in different way.
But it's all good.
Life is full of choice.
I might not always enjoy choosing. But it makes me excited.
New things make me excited.

I spent time more with older people than people in the same age with me.
I love listening to them telling me the experiences they have.
I want to know what they wish they would do if they could travel back time.
We don't always need to learn from our mistakes.
That would be better if we can learn from other people's mistakes instead.
I believe in that.

So here I am.
21. Working. Believing in God.
Also known as Kaiwa Alexandra.
A witch with freaking awesome good friends who plays quidditch.
Very, very grateful for everything I own, lost, and am with.
Looking forward to write the 22 post next year :D

This song played when I listened to my iTunes before went to work this morning.
And the lyrics just struck me on the chest. Pretty much of what I'm feeling right now.
I know the certain lovely person I thought when I listened to this song hates Taylor Swift.
But it really is still nice to listen to it. While you drive. And think.
Enjoy!


I see your face in my mind as I drive away
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

It's 2 am., feeling like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's 2 am., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me

I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, 
I'm sorry

Breathe - Taylor Swift

Few days ago I watched a Doctor Who episode (The Rise of Cybermen) where The Doctor, Rose, and Micky accidentally trapped in another universe.
They were landed in another version of London.
London with the same people, different stories.
Micky's gran who already died in true version of London, is still alive in this pary of universe.
And in the end, Micky refused to come back to the right universe where he was belong and decided to stay in there instead. Because of his gran.

And here I am with my thought again.
If I ever found that kind of universe. What would I choose?
Micky was lucky. Rose wasn't.
Rose met her dad was also still alive, but her dad ignored her and refused to accept Rose as his daughter -even may be in his deepest heart, he did.

What if I met my dad.
Would I stay?
What if he ignored me?
Would I get hurt?
Would I still consider to stay?
Would I leave all I have in my real life for that?

I hope that won't happen. Ever.

1 year of HOL.
Wow. It's really 1 year. 365+ days.

Lots of things happened.
Really lots of them.
What made me feeling like I was in the top of the world or deep buried underground.

I've had been in the Gryffindor Quidditch Team.
Which, even I quit, I never regretted I was there.
Set aside the things that happened lately between me and them.
They were my first friends, my first family, and first home I had in HOL.
I wouldn't forget that.

My greatest thank is going to Gryffindor's Head of House, Prof. Missa Matz.
She supports me a lot, through anything.
She is the person I will go to when I'm overwhelmed, when I need a friend to talk to, when I need a hug, and when I need to share my love to.

I remember once she helped me set bots, then gave me a chance to be an op in #gryffindor, which later on made a way to me became an aop in #HOL too.
I'm happy to be a HOL aop, but that's not because of power.
Seriously, being an aop is harder than just hanging around watching people.
I'm happy because that makes me know people who I believe are my true friends.

So, once again, it's because of Missa. She makes everything easier for me.
And I never, never be able to pay her because of that.

I pretty remember what happened since April-ish.
My HOLife went very fast since that month.
I started acknowledging people that means so much for me until now.

I was chosen to be one of SQL officials. I had chance to play in the same team with Sam and Parm which was one of the most amazing moments I had in HOL.
Sam is a really good captain and she makes practice becomes much much more fun!

And because of Sam, I got to know more more amazing people.
I knew Alaia, Rorey, and Amy closer.
I got introduced to RQT, the legendary of HOL Quidditch Cup.
They are, unsuprisingly (for me), really nice and welcoming people.
Despite of what people said to me about them, I believe what I see.
RQT is a family and I'm glad I'm a part of them, unofficially.

Based on that, my second greatest thank goes to the toughest and bravest person I've ever known in my HOLife, Kyrie Adderholt.

Following those two, there are Kirra Rohan and Zoki Phantom whose their words are really inspiring and helping me to get up - stay strong and keep shining.
After I almost lost faith on everyone, they showed me that true friends really do EXIST.

Then Amy Charz, whom I knew through Sam and Bakay.
I'm so grateful I have you three.
You all made me laugh, listened to my rant, and just generally having fun together.

And the dysfunctional family.
People who like to swaggerjagger about people.
Thank you, thank you so much for the snarks, the fun, the comments, the links, the supports! All of them.
You make me think that dislike people and being annoyed is NOT a sin at all.
You show me that the world is not always pretty.
Sometimes it can be rainbow and sunshine but it also can be stormy and cloudy. And we just need to live with it!

People might hate SQL this year, but I didn't regret that I took a part of it.
I've learnt a lot. I've been taught a lot. I've made lots of new friends.
Winning is nice, but winning is not my life goal.
And today, the SQL quaffle games are officially closed.
I've packed my quidditch stuffs and as I go, I promised the quidditch pitch, "I will be going back next year to have fun!"

Summer.
Summer.
Summer.

This year is the first time I experienced what Summer really is.
And I know it, I love summer!

See you in the next Summer!

PS: The people are mentioned in here are my Ohana.

You might belong in Gryffindor,

Where dwell the brave at heart,

Their daring, nerve, and chivalry

Set Gryffindors apart.

How I worship those words in the -almost- last one year.
How I worship the colours of Scarlet and Gold - the Lion in the -almost- last one year.

I regret nothing.
I met wonderful people in there. I met my first friends.
One of them is still being my friend who guided me through the most.
The only one who I love really big that could hold me stay against other people.
Her name is Missa Matz.

I leave, doesn't mean I hate.
I have memories. I have logs, as proof.
I was nothing.
I grew up because of their helps.
I remember it, clearly.
I owe them big.
Thank you, thank you so much for that :)

I'm really sorry that I hurt so many people before I leave.
That I crushed their trusts, their bonds of friendship with me, their hopes.
But it didn't happen overnight.
It took lots for me to do this.

I will miss Gryffindor. Of course I will.
You were all my first family. You were all my doors to the HOL.
I really hope what happened will never be happened again in the future and we all just can live in peace with no dramz.
It'll be much, much prettier that way.