My mother is special.
She is silly.
She has younger soul than me.
She has a bigger heart than me.
She has warmer arms than me.
She has brightest smile than me.
She is stronger than me.
She loves me, when I ignored her.
She gave me space.
She never questioned me and all my weird decisions. .
She doesn't understand me, and she never tried to.
And it's okay. Because she doesn't need to.
She just understands, that she only needs to be there for me.
To be happy and healthy.
And just to be there.
Because she's my home.
She is my life.
She is my light.
She is the best part of me.
She is my angel.
She is my mother.

I love you, mother.
I love you.

Forever isn't for everyone. Is forever for you?
- Snap Out of It - Arctic Monkeys (AM, 2013.

When I was younger, I pretty much didn't have many things that I wanted.
I was a realist, still a realist.
But now I believe about things, dreams, wishes, desires, and if I really work on them, they could really come true. Which I didn't, back when I was a teenager.
Silly, I know.

I have a great and truly inspiring coworker.
She's much older and I love learning everything from her.
And one about the wishing bit she told her was that everything we wished, hoped, wanted, even though we didn't really work on it, could come true.
Even it's in weeks, months, years, but it will eventually come true.
And that changed my point of view in big ways.

In my previous post I told about how my previous dreams all came true.
And now I basically left with no dreams lol.
Well, I still want to continue my education.
But this silly me still doesn't know what I want to be.
I would love to have a bakery or nice bookshop someday.
So I would probably need to take a baking course.

Other than that, I, sure, know I want to live abroad someday.
England, precisely. But anywhere English country, really.
But that's most unlikely to happen in any close time.
Unless, of course, if God said so.

And the other day, I had this light chat with my friend, Sam.
She lives in US and had lived in London, as well France.
I told her I would love to visit London someday, and she said she wouldn't let me visit London without her.
Then I think that it could really happen.
I mean, in my young age. Not in 10 years later or so.
I could really start saving my money and see if God gives me a way.

So other than taking baking course, live abroad, and visit London, I have one other big dreams: buying a nice house.
I'm not an out person. I spend most of my free times at home. Sitting in front of my laptop, watching movies, reading books, listening to music, watching concert videos, or writing a blog post, sometimes.
I go out only when I need to, like seeing friends, buying stuffs, eating, or seeing movies.
So I really want to have a nice house.
Not a big one, no, I don't quite a fan of big house. They kinda scare me lol.
Just a nice one. Comfy one.

And those are my new dreams.
Are you supposed to have big dreams when you're 22?
I think so.
When you have your own income, you've seen, heard, experienced more things than when you were a teenager, I think you're supposed to have bigger dreams.
But big things come with big responsibilities.
You know what?
I'm ready for them.

Do you remember what you wished when you were 5? Or 10? Or 15?
Nope? Me neither.
I grew wishing my Dad comes back alive after I was 8. And I didn't remember what I wished other than that.
But after I worked and could buy things I wanted, I started make wishing list - or things to buy.
And the first I made it was middle of 2012.
I wrote it in the google document. But I never checked it again after then.
I wrote it only as a declaration for my self, that those are things I want to buy, but not necessarily I must buy in very soon-ish.
I never remembered that particular list until recently, few days or so.
After I finally found English version of Harry Potter books I wanted so much, and finally, bought it!
Then I told my friend, "You know, this is what I've been wanted since God knows when."
And she told me, "God is kind, right? You may not remember when you wish it, but He still gives you."
Then I remembered, I had this one little list of things I wanted to buy. I found and read it.
And guess what, ALL of my wishing list have been come true!
I've bought all of things I wanted back in 2012. And I didn't even plan it!
Even more, the things I wanted that was not in the list!

The things I put on the list were basically things I always wanted for a long time.
Or things I really really really want.
One of them was Harry Potter books English version, which I've always wanted since what, I'm 15?
And I put them there because I'm not sure I could afford to buy them all, or at least in one year time.
But God made it comes true.
Not only He granted it in only 1,5 year time, He also lets me to buy them all by my own money!

Then I realized, that God really listens to every single wish, every single pray, that you may not say it, but your heart did.
We usually just complain on how He never listens to our prayings, and the things we think we need right now are the ones we don't have.
But we're wrong.
God knows the best time to make your wishes come true.
God knows the best way to make your wishes come true.
And God will make your wishes come true, when you're least expecting it.

New season is coming up!
This is my first season as an RQTer. So I'm really excited for this season!
Beside few weeks ago I had a talk with Nathan about how fun this season will be.
Maya may or may not be with RQT this season.
And Kirra most likely won't be. 
But RQT has few new members (and probably oldbie returning!) and they are so nice!
One of them, Katsuro - or Kat- is the one newbie I'm rather close to.
We botted together a lot, and even it looks like I beat the hell outta him, I bet he'll be better than me in times.
Arielle and Kharz as new captains have provide us with so many fun practices.
Survivor games with 3+ extra souls, whacky bludgers games I don't recall the name, ickyviews, and today we had teams botting (which was crazy because it was Nathan vs Kharz and I and we lost >__>)
Also today was the first game of the season: HQT vs GQT.
It's nice to show Kat what a real game was like. Even the game itself wasn't going nicely XD
It's been so great being in RQT. It's only like, what, 4 months now?! Yet I feel so welcomed everyday.
And I just can't stop being grateful with whom I'm with here.
So many lessons, so many fun times, so many talks, so many laughts, so many yells, so many many good experiences.

Gue tau, banyak yang komplain tentang kenapa gue susah banget diajak ketemu, kenapa bilangnya ga bisa ketemu padahal taunya gue cuma santai-santai di rumah ga kemana-mana, kenapa kalo ketemu maunya jam-jam tertentu aja?

Well here.
Gue akui, pertama, gue itu adalah orang yang sangat amat rumahan. Terutama setelah kerja.
Kerja dari Senin-Jum'at, ketemu banyak orang, ngurusin banyak hal, bikin gue capek dan butuh waktu buat ngenetralin perasaan jenuh dan capek sewaktu kerja.
Mungkin itu kenapa gue kalo kerja selalu keliatan happy dan enjoy.
Gue suka ngebagi waktu, minggu ini keluar rumah, minggu depan di rumah aja, dst.
Karena kalo setiap weekend gue abisin keluar rumah, pas weekdaynya gue bakalan capek dan jadinya jenuh.
Kalo di rumah, walau gue cuma beresin kamar, botting, ngobrol via Skype atau irc, denger lagu, nonton film, main handphone, tapi badan gue udah ngecharge lagi buat hari-hari ke depannya.
Jadi, gue sebenernya mau kok keluar rumah, cuma ga tiap minggu :D

Dan pulang malem.
Ini yang terutama.
Ga banyak orang yang ngerti kalo gue ga suka banget pulang malem.
Ga suka banget.
Dan pulang malem yang paling bisa gue toleransi adalah jam setengah 7 sampe rumah.
Mungkin karena dari dulu selalu dipesen kalo sebelum Magrib harus udah di rumah, jadi sampe umur 22 pun gue jadi merasa nyaman kalo sebelum Magrib udah ada di rumah.
Lagian, gue itu termasuk yang cepet ngantuk (walau tidurnya tetep telat).
Ya intinya, gue ga nyaman aja kalo jam 5 sore belum siap-siap pulang ke rumah haha.

So there,
Kesimpulannya: gue adalah orang yang membutuhkan banyak waktu me-time dan bukan tipe yang bisa ditemui keliaran di luar rumah sehabis Magrib (only special occassion) :D

Semenjak gue sekolah, gue punya temen-temen yang punya kesukaan dan ketidaksukaan macem-macem. Ada yang ga suka nasi, atau makanan tertentu. Dimana gue waktu itu adalah penyuka segala. Semua makanan enak bagi gue. Semua jenis makanan oke di mulut gue. Gue pikir waktu itu gue punya kelainan karena ga bisa ngebedain mana makanan yang disuka dan yang ga disuka haha. Tapi ternyata cuma masalah waktu. Belum saatnya.

Seiring dengan berjalannya waktu, gue bertambah tua dan dewasa, gue semakin tau apa yang gue mau. Dan dengan itu juga gue jadi punya hal-hal yang gue suka dan tidak suka. Bahkan ada juga hal-hal yang ga bisa gue toleransi sama sekali.
Dan sebaliknya, ada hal-hal yang tadinya gue ga suka, sekarang udah mulai bisa menerima dan biasa.

Gue masih ga suka hujan, masih ga begitu suka pantai.
Dulu gue ga bisa toleransi sama perokok, pasti gue judesin di mana pun kapanpun. Tapi sekarang gue udah bisa toleransi dan berpikir, "Suka-suka lo deh!" walau pasti masih gue judesin kalo orangnya ngerokok ga liat-liat situasi, kondisi, dan tempat.
Dulu gue termasuk fobia darah, temen-temen deket gue waktu sekolah dulu pasti tau. Tapi sekarang udah biasa aja, walau masih ga suka bau darah.
Dulu pulang malem seneng-seneng aja, karena bisa main sama temen lama-lama. Tapi sekarang ga suka sama sekali dan pulang malem cuma buat ketemu sama orang-orang tertentu yang syaratnya juga banyak. Oh, dan kalo lembur kerja.
Dulu gue suka berbagai macam makanan dan minuman. Tapi sekarang, udah ga kuat soda, ga begitu suka nasi (jadi ga tiap hari makan nasi), ga begitu suka mie, ga suka banget mie ayam, tenggorokan gue juga jadi sensitif banget sama bahan pengawet, ga suka pepaya, ga suka pisang, ga suka bau kulit ayam, ga suka manis-manis, ga suka santan-santanan, dan lain-lain.
Dimana, dulu-dulu, gue malah seneng banget makan makanan di atas.
Tapi gue masih makan eskrim hampir setiap minggu. Masih suka bakso. Masih suka oreo. Masih suka potato chips (walau Chitato sekarang terasa aneh bagi gue).

Dipikir-pikir, lucu ya, badan kita beradaptasi sama lingkungan dan pengalaman yang tubuh kita alami.
Dia menyortir sendiri dan menentukan mana yang kita suka dan ga suka.
Gue berharap nanti ada saatnya di mana tubuh gue membuat gue ga suka susu dan daging merah.
Bukan karena gue sakit tentunya. Jangan sampe.

No one cares about being late until they run out of time.

What hurts is not the feeling of not knowing.
It's when you secretly know everything and no one even bothers to tell you the truth.

When you stop to care because you're too damaged.
When you stop to trust because it hurts too much.
When you walk away because you think it's enough.
When you say goodbye because you feel it's the time.
What do you think you are doing?

Lol I remember I saw this video (probably not the same video though because I watched it in about 2010) and I decided to watch it because the title sounds cool: Coffee Shop Soundtrack. And after that I looked for the full MTV Unplugged video.
Since then it becomes one of my old fave songs of ATL.
My bestfriend doesn't like this song, but I like it and so glad that they still played this song when they were in Jakarta.

I don't know much about the crew members personality, but Flyzik has been around lots and since he's the tour manager, he got exposed a bit more than other crews.
So I choose Matt Flyzik.
His obsession of Mickey Mouse, and when Alex put on a video of him sleeping, that was so adorbs lol.

Gosh.
It's all blurred for me, because I'm really tired right now and just solved a logic puzzle, after my second try lool.
But I thiiink, I got this.
One day I randomly YouTubed MTV Unplugged videos and found All Time Low's jam session.
I watched it, and liked it so much.
All I remember was Alex was SO CHARMING, he made a little cute hips moves and Jack was all calm and so good-boy looking and they hugged the audience after they finished.
And after that I just downloaded more their songs and videos to find out about them more.
That's how I found out All Time Low :D

I'm not perfect, I'm FAR from perfect.
But I realized a few things as I grow up. And this is one of them.

Some weekends ago, when I went to go to a mall on Saturday morning, I saw bunch of girls wearing their school uniforms waiting outside the mall. Because the rules are like, no student is allowed inside the mall before 11 or something. And I used to be like them, queuing outside the mall when went home superearly from school. It was annoying, waiting outside like that.
But that was 5 years ago. Now I can walk inside right after it opens, because I'm no longer wearing uniforms, because I'm no longer a student. And I can look at the teenage-me and laugh at her.
And suddenly I realized, that no bad thing will stay forever.
That's only a simple example, really. But you can extend your mind and think wider.
Like, when you were a kid you desperately want to buy shoes you like really much but your parents didn't let you.
It's okay. Because there will be time when you have your own money and you don't need anyone permissions to buy a pair of shoes, or even a set of jewellery.
But you need to wait patiently, and work hard, of course.

Everything has their own times. I believe in that.
So don't worry about it.
Don't worry about getting yelled at because you're wrong.
There will be time when you yell at a person because they got your instructions wrong.
Don't worry about obeying your parents even you don't like it.
There will be time when you're the parents and you wish SO BAD that your kids will obey you.
Don't worry about getting lost.
There will be time when you will be found.
Don't worry about getting hurt over and over again.
There will be time when you're the one who hurt people, then you'll learn.

That no matter how bad we are feeling now, the things are going to be okay later.
The sadness will be gone, the difficulty will be passed, the tears will be wiped, the sweats will come dry.
There will come a day when we look back and remember the hard times, and then we can laugh at it.
We can laugh because we passed them, we survived them, we're getting stronger because of them.
Hard times can make us bitter or stronger, but how do we know which one we'll be?
By choosing it.
Remember, very very dearly.
No one can make you angry unless you decide to be angry.
No one can make you happy unless you decide to be happy.
Our good or bad day is not because of people make them, it's because of ourselves.

I know I'm one day behind this.
Yesterday was my 22nd's birthday.
I never enjoyed birthdays.
Probably I did when I was kid and Dad used to throw me parties.
But as I remember, I don't like birthdays (and parties), because too much attention for one day!
Even so, I think it's really rude if you ignore the birthday wishes you got or even gave them frowned face when they said happy birthday.
I suppose you must look happy in your birthdays, no matter what! 

My mum was being super awesome by sending me a birthday message at 1 am.
Even I was born at 1 pm, so it's technically still 12 hours away lol.
But that's a highlight there.
The people I love all remembered my birthdays so I was really happy talking to them about birthday greetings.

I received belated birthday wishes today from my uncles and aunts.
It doesn't matter, really! I probably like it more, because it means no too much attention in one day XD
Only about three people in my work knows my birthday, and it's really good for me.
But my boss gave me extra job to do, so that's a birthday present from him lol.

While lunch, I sat with a certain person and we had a good conversation for about 40 minutes there.
About death. About the people who we knew dead.
For the first time ever, I talked to a person about my dad and almost teared up.
Even he realized that I was sad so he started talking about something else.
And he probably the only who understand, why I want to die young.
I didn't explain anything, but he said "I wish you'd die young." and I wish him the same.
It was the best birthday conversation I've ever had.

HAPPY 22!
LET'S DANCE~

1. Learn everyday.
2. Nothing lasts forever. Cherish what you have very, very dearly.
3. Take the chances. Be brave.
4. Love mum. She's the most precious thing alive you have.
5. God is kind.
6. You don't need to do things just because other people do them.
7. Hold on to what you believe is right. It helps you big way.
8. People have rights to tell you everything. And you have rights to not listen to their words.
9. What other people think is not your business.
10. Love yourself, because no one will love yourself more than you do. And you're doing great so far.

I have various type of friends.
From the ones who loves to share religious thing; the one whose husband works in parliament; the one who is in long term relationship with foreign people; the one who goes to party every week; the one who a smartypants and goes to the best school for free; and more.
Once my colleagues know that I'm a good friend with a blond-haired young woman who, people usually judge, as a bitch.
When they asked where I knew her from, I answered, "I hung out with her." and they looked surprised.
What's the matter?
I love to be friends with everyone, doesn't matter who they are, what their jobs, what they do for life, as long as they're nice people.
And how do you classify nice people if you don't know their personality? Then how do you know their personality if you don't be friends with them?
That's a cycle.
You know a person, you're friends with them.
They're good, stay with them. They suck, leave them.
Good people are not because of where they come from, what religion they believe, or what they wear. It's about the heart.
You NEVER can judge a person by its cover. It's the TRUTH.
Beside, I learnt a lot from them, from what they have experienced, without it happened to me.
Being friends with alcoholic makes me don't want to be an alcoholic.
Be friends with everyone you like, who like you, and make you grow better everyday.
But it's really important to be yourself and to hold on what you believe is right.
Be smart, because there's no guarantee in life that people are always there for you. Most of the times, it's always you all alone.
Absorb what makes you stronger, release what makes you weak.

1 September 2012 - 1 September 2013.
This is the start of my third year in HOL.
Last year I was a squibby squib, but today I'm an eaglety eagle.
So happy finally found a home, after 9 months floating around space on my broomstick.
I've always considered Ravenclaw as my house - way before HOL.
I never thought that I was smart, or wise, or logical, or very Ravenclaw-ish.
But isn't there a quote saying that "It's not about where do you come from that makes who you are, it's what you choose and where you're heading too."
I was sorted into Gryffindor in my first year, a lion with big thick hair and brave heart. I stood to my friends and my dear ones, until it really kicked me down to the hole.
But then in my second year, I chose to be a Ravenclaw. An eagle with wings who is always ready to fly and soar. Who will rip you apart when you mess with my beloved ones. But I wouldn't let you hurt me, because I wouldn't be here, I would be in sky watching people I care about from feet distances apart.

SQL this year was the right moment to come back to HOL after few months idling.
Amy Charz and Matilde Rayne were really kind to invite me to be on their team, Muffins Marauders: The Fame Bandits of Baked Goods.
Together with Allison Sullivan, Sirius Fudge, Xavier Dalen, Shiloh Adlar, Rosalie Mason, and someone else I forgot the name (sorry!), we totally rocked SQL and even got the second place!
In the end, I was really happy with messages I received.
My friends said they were proud, impressed, and happy watched me got better than I ever was before.
And I think you know, there's no better feeling than knowing that you've made people you care about proud.

I'm also made to be in RQT in the same time!
Even I was deeply, really really sad that Kyrie Adderholt should be stepped down from the Quidditch captain chair and shall be set free!
Because I really adore her, love her, and want her to be my captain for another year.
She was my captain for SQL and it was amazing. I'm really unlucky she stepped down just in time I joined RQT.

My HOLife this year is all about brand new things: Houses, Quidditch team.
And I love new things!
I hope my dark sad times in HOL have been passed - since I probably had enough dramz for the wholelife, and I will be having sunshine butterflies rainbow times instead :D

It doesn't matter where or when you meet a friend.
It doesn't matter whom they are. Or how their lives.
When you tried so hard to fit into shoes that don't fit you, it'll hurt.
So do friends.
You don't need too hard to find good and real ones.
Life will show you.
These people below, are people who life has shown me, what friends are.
Friends, don't mean they are from the world where you're from.
Friends, don't mean we need to be exactly the same.
Friends, don't mean we need to meet and talk everyday.
Friends, don't expect your best, but they make you're the best. 
And do you know, that sometimes, friends are forever.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 20 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 20 people to be tagged . You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.  - And because I'm not comfortable enough posting this in facebook (and blog is much cooler anyway) so here it is.

1. I'm a sensitive person. I know I look like a cold-hearted, ignorant, highly logical one, but I'm actually sensitive and very care person at heart. Believe me, I feel everything and keep that in heart.
2. I remember LOTS of little/random things. What people promised me when I was 8, what my dad told me in my 6th years old birthday, what t-shirt my sister wore in the last 3 years Eid Mubarak, and lots of annoying random things. And whatever you told or said to me, I probably remember it more than you did lol.
3. Smart people turn me on. Basically I'm always going awe whenever I hear someone talking brainiacs. That's because I've always reading Sherlock Holmes, Arsene Lupin, Detective Conan, Enid Bylton books since I was a kid. But also because of smart people are never boring. They're always surprising.
4. I have few friends. It's not that like very few though. It's just probably less than the other people. Because I'm fairly not comfortable surrounded by lots of people. It makes me cranky then I start becomes more annoying than I should be lol. But I'm close with whoever I called friends in my life. And I don't feel bitter by not having many friends, because I think that makes me less stressed that way.
5. I'm not *that* smart. I spent my school days with being thought I was clever. Seriously people, I'm not. I could say my English went better after I left high school. I never really studied math since my senior year in high school. I dislike Physics and Chemicals, because yeah, I never paid attention to them. I love History and Sociology, a LOT. But I don't think that classifies me as clever. I seriously always feel like it was a joke when people think I was clever.
6. I love western. I LOVE Indonesia, don't get me wrong. But I love how western countries look cleaner, more arranged than we are, and the people are open-minded. I love the foods too! I don't like rice and noodles, and people always make fun of me for not being an Asian lol.
7. I hate racism and the whole religion hate kind of thing. WHY CAN'T WE ALL BE FRIENDS? I grew up surrounded by chinese people, christian, hindunese, and buddhist. And when I moved to another city when people were heterogeneous, people gave weird look when there were people who were different. Either they had disability or just different religion. And I'm SICK of it. People need to be open-minded. Yes, I believe Islam is the best and rightest religion of all. But that doesn't mean you can judge everyone who is not like us. Prove it that we're really the best by fixing your behaviour with other people.
8. I miss my dad. Always. Since 13 years ago. Never passed a day without thinking of him. I know it's kind of ridiculous and it looks like I'm the only one here. But I really wish that he never died. My life must have been changed so much if so.
9. I don't like breaking rules. I'm a rules dictator. It's not like I never broke any rules at all. But I just don't like doing it. I avoid it while I can. I really wish people liked obeying rules too so we could live well-arranged, and no some stupid traffic jam just because some people are too dumb to obey the rules.
10. I don't like birthdays. This one is kind of weird. But for me, birthdays are not really important. I mean, the celebrating wise. I'm not excited to know that tomorrow I'll be one year older. And the fact that we grow up every second doesn't help either. But apparently for loads of people, birthdays and remembering speeshul dates are important. So I try my best to remember the special dates of my closest and special people in life so I don't disappoint them.

11. Eleven is my most favorite number of all. Yep. First, it was because of Rukawa. I'm hell in love with that certain brat. And then I learnt that Eleven could be mean: The first of the first. Or I just made that up? Who cares.
12. I'm always sleepy. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me but I'm always sleepy. I'm probably woken up from about 7 am until 12 pm. I feel bad if I yawned when people were talking. But seriously, I never meant that. It's just my ridiculous body who does that. Don't ever think you're boring (even probably you are). Forgive me!
13. I'm a hell of thinker. I think deep. I think beyond far. Whenever I need to choose or make decisions or answering questions, I always lost in my thought for a moment. I try to think faster but I can not. Not because I don't have that capability. But it's because I need to see through everything before I'm sure that I make the right decision. I'm a perfectionist and I don't like flaws. Especially when I found out after it's too late to fix it.
14. I am perfectionist. There, I said it. I always ignore the fact that I'm one of those annoying kind of people. But I can't help that I am. Flaws are hideous and perfection is everything - even I know it better than you that perfect doesn't exist. I think it's better to do zero than to do it 80 of 100. Because it's not perfect. Yeah. Zero is not perfect too, but so does 80 and don't argue with me! I'm a perfectionist and that's one fact about me.
15. I hate stereotypes. Stereotypes are one of humans' worst inventions. Why people think women are tend to be able to cook? I can't cook and it doesn't matter if I could or I couldn't. Why people think men aren't supposed to cry? What if they're deeply sad and how they're supposed to do? Running around shooting people? You can't be a communist and think people are the same. Because they are not. Oh how I love open-minded people.
16. I can't sing. Like, at all. I can make voices and TRY to sing, but it never ended up well. I never sang in my room or in a bathroom. I sang while I drive and when I was in karaoke box. And then I know that I can't sing.
17. I can't stand cold. And I hate rain. I probably won't fit in London. But I plan to live there someday. Bite me.
18. I'm a cat person. You almost can always caught me (at least) take a glance at cat when it's around or try to meow them. I love cats. And since I'm not allowed to have one now, I plan to do when I have my own house.
19. I always want to work in Zoo. Yes. I love animals. Any kind. From worms, snakes, girrafes, penguins, orang utans, to wolves. Or probably I can be a volunteer for WWF. Still no idea how that works though. I want to do a real thing like taking care of animals and stuffs.
20. I'm a A bloodtyped and Virgo person. It's pretty simple if you want to know more about me. Look those two up and you'll get a fine sums up of myself.

Thanks for Mariam Patel for tagging me to her note in Facebook.
Love ya <3 br="">

Ikhlas, adalah salah satu ilmu yg paling sulit yg saya temui.
Tapi justru, bukan ikhlas dalam memberi, tapi ikhlas dalam menerima.
Ikhlas dalam memberi itu lebih mudah, karena dalam kondisi itu kita sudah siap kehilangan sesuatu.
Dan kebetulan saya juga bukan orang yg bisa/seneng basa-basi, jadi kalo saya udah ngasih ya berarti dikasih, ikhlas.

Tapi disaat menerima itu justru keikhlasan diuji.
Saat menerima, kita tidak selalu dalam keadaan siap untuk mendapat perubahan dalam hidup kita.

Ikhlas menerima kalo tiba-tiba barang kesayangan hilang.
Ikhlas menerima kalo ternyata rezeki yg ada di dompet bukan punya kita.
Ikhlas menerima kalo orang yg kita sayang ga selalu bisa ada bersama kita.

Saya masih belum 100% ikhlas Papa saya sekarang udah nggak ada.
Menerima, iya.
Karena kalau ga diterima pun keadaannya ga akan berubah.
Tapi ikhlas itu beda lagi.
Saya masih belum 100% ikhlas sahabat yg dulu saya percaya sekarang sudah ga sama-sama lagi.
Saya masih belum 100% ikhlas kepercayaan yg saya kasih ke orang lain disalahgunakan.
Malah kadang, belum 100% ikhlas kalo dapat cobaan yg saya kira terlalu berat.

Ilmu ikhlas itu tinggi sekali, bagi saya.
Dan saya sangat salut dengan orang-orang yg bisa mengikhlaskan, sulit ataupun tidak sulit.
Karena ikhlas itu datangnya dari hati, dan hati itu tidak bisa berbohong.
Mari belajar ikhlas.
Ikhlas memberi, dan terutama, ikhlas menerima.

13 years seem a lot of time.
It's a very long time, indeed.
Everyday I pray that this is only a dream.
That I will wake up one day finding my dad is just sleeping in the room next to mine.
Or that I was just asleep on the train our way back from amusement park.
Or anything, but just tell me one thing: tell me that my dad is not dead.

I love him with the whole of my heart, every then and now.
I miss him everyday since 13 years ago.

Today is the day when he was dead.
I don't know if I'm supposed to not remember today, but I always do.
And I can't imagine the year when I forget that 25 April is the day when my life fell apart.
I hope I never will.

And today, the 13th of 25 April.
And today, I remember you, like I always do.
I love you dear father, forever and always.

When were you happiest?
I have a group of bestfriends: F, V, and R (I called them by those names, yes). We have annual meeting and when we meet we do nothing except eating junkfoods and cups of ice cream, walking, talking nonsense, and laughing.
I'm very grateful and they're one of the best part of my life.

What is your greatest fear? 
Future. Lol. Basically, not knowing what I'm going to face.

What is your earliest memory? 
My second birthday - I think. My parents hide away my milk bottle.

Which living person do you most admire, and why? 
A friend who lives far away from where I am, her name is Sam. She's very brave, smart, kind, strong, and what I see in her is all I wish I were.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? 
Crustiness.
Even I'm not the loud type, but yeah. Lots of things annoy me easily. It's really not good.

What is the trait you most deplore in others? 
Lying.

What was your most embarrassing moment? 
When I was in Junior High School, I fell asleep on the floor and I almost peed on it before someone woke me up. It was really embarassing.

What makes you unhappy? 
When I can't spend the day the way I planned for it.

What do you most dislike about your appearance? 
My small nose and teeth.

What is your guiltiest pleasure? 
Watching MTV Awards.
I always complain about them after watching but I'll watch it for the next year and next year and next year. Oh well.

What is your most unappealing habit? 
Hoarding.
I'm keeping lots of things with me in my room. So when someone entered my room they would think it's so messy.

What would be your fancy dress costume of choice? 
I really adore the victorian era type of clothes and would always love to wear that. With hats too.

What is the worst thing anyone’s ever said to you? 
When my ex-bestfriend said that I'm a skinny bitch.
Well I'm maybe skinny but I'm not a bitch. So there.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse? 
Well.

What has been your biggest disappointment?
Letting my sister down for her school.

If you could edit your past, what would you change? 
I would do anything to make my dad back to life.

What is the closest you’ve come to death? 
I drive motorbike everyday so everyday is the closest day I'm with death.
But I had been very reckless by almost hitting the big truck. It was 2 years ago.

What single thing would improve the quality of your life? 
Consistency.

What do you consider your greatest achievement? 
Keeping my brother very close with me and give him everything he needs.

What keeps you awake at night? 
Watching or reading stuffs. Sometimes talking.

What song would you like played at your funeral? 
You've got a friend.

How would you like to be remembered?
By being remembered.

Tell us a secret 
Life is fair. You only need to look a little closer.