A Way to Remember by CHITA

2022 was my hardest year since 2000.

I had to finish my thesis while working full time.

We lost ibu, so suddenly. And just right when I was the closest with her.

I believe I've never cried that much before.

But in 2023, it feels like God is trying to cheer me up.

All my favorite artists came to Indonesia: Arctic Monkeys, Agust D, Tomorrow x Together, and Jacob Collier.

Arctic Monkeys is my most-listened to artist of all time. I honestly cried a little when they played their first song. I still had goosebumps and remember my feelings back then. We got the tickets we wanted by ourselves too. It was really a God's blessing, really.

Agust D or Suga or Min Yoongi is my first and only bias in the whole k-pop world. First-everything is special to me so I'm really glad he was my first k-pop concert. My first k-pop concert is my first bias. We got the tickets ourselves too even though it wasn't really what we wanted. But we managed to bump it up for better ones, fortunately. Even though IME sucked and Yoongi was terribly sick, he still delivered a great performance and I truly, really enjoyed it. I sang hard, jumped hard, and fangirled hard.

I'm relieved TXT boys came back after I didn't manage to secure a ticket for their first concert end of last year. This time, I managed to get an underpriced ticket too! TXT concert feels more k-pop-y for me than Yoongi's. And I feel more at ease because it feels like I'm a guest in another fandom's event. While for Yoongi's, it felt like I was the host (because I'm an ARMY lol hope that makes sense). The concert was very beautiful and like a fairy tale. The boys are really handsome! I remember screaming "Holy shit Soobin is so handsome!!!" every 10 minutes.

And last but not lease, Jacob Collier, who gave me the most beautiful concert I've ever attended. It was intimate, personal, lovely, and (like I said before) beautiful. Being there reminded me again how much I love jazz and belong to jazz audience. Everything was so chill, no long queue, air-conditioned room in seating layout.

Apart from the concerts, I also managed to fulfill my long-time wish: reading 100 books in a year.

Thanks to Kindle, Libby, and long-hours commuting whenever I work from the office. Reading while commuting makes commuting much more bearable.

One time, when I read, there are two guys (who are much younger than me) who talk about what I was reading. They're apparently practicing speaking English, it was cute. Thankfully I didn't read an embarassing book lol so they could freely discuss about it. I stil think about them and honestly kinda regret that I didn't respond to them. But in my defense, I had no energy to talk to strangers that day.

This year, we got additional family members (not by choice), Bora the cat. We had Sasa too, who came in March but she disappeared a few months ago. I cried for her for weeks after that. I regret so much why I let her out that day. Hope she's healthy, happy, and taken care of, wherever she is now. If there's a chance she could come back, I would very much welcome her back.

And Bora, he's such a spoiled little brat. He's loud, loves cuddling and eating. Even though Black and Swimi don't really get along with him, he doesn't care. He loves everyone. I'm proud of his character because I raise him well.

I also very thankful for friends who are still in touch with me despite me living kinda far away now.

Them who came to Bogor to hang our with me.

Them who remember me when they plan to come to Bogor.

Them who invited me to hang out with them.

Them who agreeing with my random plans in visiting new places.

Them who are keeping in touch through comments, DMs, and memes.

I adore and thank each of you all.

What should I plan for 2024?

I have a few resolutions I won't list here.

But I want to do old hobbies and find new ones.

I want to enjoy life more and appreciate everything that I have in life.

I want to make memories, and preserve it.

So one day, I can look back and realize that I've lived my life well.

2022 was hard, but I thank 2023 for healing me.

It's a long journey, still. But 2023 shows me that life is capable to give me happiness.

2023 shows me that light can be found in the darkest place, even though I wasn't looking for it.

That's, again, how kind God is to me.

Thank you, 2023. You will be missed.

This year, I managed to fulfill my long-time wish to read 100 books in one year.

Thanks to Kindle, Libby, and almost 6-hour commuting time to work 3-days a week, I got to do it easily and without spending a lot of money.

Even though the challenge can be seen as a quite ambitious one, or maybe, quantity over quality. I actually can feel the benefits by reading that many books this year.

First, I truly realized that the more you know, the more you don't know.

In regards to (always) on-going conflict and attempt on ethnic cleansing by Israel on Palestine, at first I didn't plan to read any book about it. I was afraid that the book I read would mislead me or written biasly by Israel or pro-Zionist people. But after reading Barack Obama's memoir, A Promised Land (which has nothing to do with Israel's promised land, by the way), I got more curious more on USA-Israel's relationship. Which leaded me to read Noam Chomsky and Ilan Pappé's books: Gaza in Crisis and On Palestine. And that's not the end of my curiousity, because I plan to dig deeper on the issue by reading more books about it.

Second, non-fictions are great to find knowledges, whether it's social or scientific, but fictions makes me questioning things in life more. So the next time people thinking I waste my time by reading novels, or people who think that they are better by reading more non-fictions... no.

Third, I finally have enough options to create lists like, "Most favorite books", "Recommended books", "The books that linger with me", and "Books I will not re-read". And even then, I still think that I didn't have enough options from 100 books that I read this year.

Fourth, due to many books in my to-read list, I also find books that, turn out, I don't want to read after I read around 10% of it. And that's okay. I don't need to read every book, despite the book being the most popular book of the year. Read what I can enjoy, what beneficial to me, what connect to myself.

Fifth, it's fun to see the list of books that people recommended and find that I have read a few of them. Or when my friends just finished reading books that I have read so we can talk about it.

And perhaps there are more...

The next question would be, will I read another 100 books in 2024?

I'm not sure.

While reading 100 books was fun and I genuinely enjoyed it, there are parts of me who wondering if I could do another fun things if I didn't read. Maybe watch more movies and tv series, catch up more BTS videos, play games, journaling, or other activities I haven't thought of.

So for next year, I won't set a solid number for me to achieve. Let's see!

For me, 2020 is definitely not the best year, but it’s still far from the worst year.

This year I had so much time reflecting, thinking, and making time for my self.
I learned more that I’ve ever done before.

Until 3 years ago, I was trying to be comfortable with myself.

Making me my own best friend. And it feels like the hard work then had paid off.

Now, I feel comfortable spending days, weeks, and months alone in my room.

Trying to entertain and educate my self.
Making the best team work consisting of me, my self, and I, trying to cope up as we spend day by day together.

What do we want to eat? Can we cook it? It doesn’t meet our expectations? Okay, we can try again one day.
What type of exercise do we want to do today? Are we too tired to go out to bike? Fine, let’s do yoga instead.
What do we want to do to relax today? Books? Anime? BTS videos? Or should we just sleep it off?
What time do we want to work on those papers and essays? This weekend? We’ll need to work twice harder then but if it’s okay for us then let’s do it this weekend.
Are we stressed? Do we want to take days off work? Do we need long walk outside? Does talking to a friend help? Let’s sit down first and think.

And hundreds of me trying to understand and compromise with my self.

I’ve been doing researches and experiments on my own body to understand how it works, what do I need to do to get a specific result I want, how to get the best from my self...

I’m never easy on my self. Since ever.
But I’ve learned how to compromise.
I found that compromising with myself is a way for me to be happy.

I no longer want to torture myself by waking up early even though I sleep late.
But I have to set up limit up to where I can slack off, so it doesn’t actually ruin the pattern.

Life is (perhaps) long and like a marathon.

I don’t want to have the rest of my life hating my own self for being so hard on me.
Sometimes we need to work hard.
Sometimes we need to rest, pat ourselves in the back, and say “Good job, Chita!”

2020 is a time when I can finally enjoy the hard work I did, learning to be comfortable with my self and appreciate little things in life.

When my life is now confiscated into a mere bedroom without laughing with friends, trips to museums and art galleries, watching live concerts, traveling to see families, and eating good food, I learn what is actually priorities in my life.

What is and is not I really need to live and to be happy.

Of course I would still go to concerts and traveling once it's all over, but now I know those things don't really define my happiness.

I know now that I am content with my self and whatever I have in my bedroom.

2020, you are an unforgettable and meaningful year I would not want to experience ever again.

But still I thank you for all the lessons you've brought.

Goodbye!

Life is all about choosing.

Sometimes the question is as simple as "Turn right or left?", but the false decision can make us stuck in a traffic for 10 minutes or longer.

While in most questions in life there is no true or false decision, our answers still determine where, who, and how is ourselves in the future.

Choosing to wake up early and go exercising every day, will make us have a fit body.
Choosing to eat healthy meals over junk food, will lower our risk from getting ill.
Choosing to not smoke, will let us have a healthier lungs until we are in old age.

I'm trying to choose consciously every day too.

When I'm bored and have an urge to grab my phone to scroll on social media or play games, I have a choice to pick up a book and read instead.

Sometimes I choose the latter, but most of the time I still open my social media. Often for nothing because I just checked it 10 minutes ago.

When I'm too lazy to cook, I have an urge to just order from online app.

But when I think again, I already have things I need to eat for today and only take 30 minutes to prepare. Do I really want to choose lazy for today?

Because of the choices I made, I missed many things.

I don't know many Instagram influencers or any new celebrities on trending.

I can't discuss new TV series that my friends watched.

I don't know many recommended restaurants in town.

Most of the times, I feel like missing out.

But it's choices I didn't take.

From missing out many recommended restaurants, I got to save some money to pay my school and to buy stuffs I really like (e.g. books!).

From missing out what's trending on social media, I got to read many books and probably knowing things my friends don't.

Because it's life and I can't be greedy and have everything at once.

I need to know what matters to me the most and choose it.

Even though sometimes it means missing out the fun stuffs.

But it's okay.

As long as you choose carefully.

As what you choose now can determine the future you.

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2023, YOU WILL BE MISSED

100 BOOKS CHALLENGE

ABOUT TO TURN 30!

2020, GOODBYE!

LIFE IS A CHOICE

ONE DAY...

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