OK WHOOOPS!
THAT WAS AN INTENSE GAME.
The second game as a Keeper *sighs*.
I was less nervous this time, but that was against Howling Hinkypunks.
And, maybe you don't know, Edmund Smethwyck was chaaaaaaaaaasing!

I'm so grateful of Parm and our double beaters Marcie and Sam.
But once Nathan passed through, he could easily score on me >_>
I was lagging. Several times my screen stopped showing anything and I only could yelling "AM I DEAD OMG!? SOMEONE!"
And MOST OF THE TIMES WAS WHEN NATHAN CAME sjdfjshkfskdfjasklhf.

Nathan is the best keeper in HOL.
He has great speed and hiding ability.
And that was a tied score: 230 vs 230.
Yep he scored 23 on me, and I blocked 1 ;__;
Nevertheless, I was a biiiit better this time.
Not only trembling around and sweating like a pig.
I could laugh, I could answer, I could have fun.

But uh, I still think I'm not even a good keep.
Because of my slow net and suddenly freeze and stuffs.
Aly totally could keep better than me *nods*.

And anooother sorry for my beloved incredible captain, Miss Kyrie Adderholt.
Because I failed again this time.
Even worse, we tied.
But I promised her I would try to be better and I did.
I tried, and I gave my best.
Could be better but uhm, yes, it was what it seemed like.

And now my eyes hurt, not enough sleep.
I think I need sleep.
*Nox!*

WHOA. Just whoa.
I was the worst quidditch player ever that HOL has ever seen.
I have no idea what happened.
With stupid pinged in and out internet. And all.
That was 4 am and I was sweating like a pig but my hands were frozen.
I was doing okay hours before when I botted.
And even when it was a group botting.
But nerves totally got me in the right place and I was just dead.
I hate my self. So much. For that.
For today.

I feel like I won't ever be able to pay Sam for what happened today.
I'm deeply sorry, Sam...
I thought I was better but I wasn't.

I'm a robot. I don't have a heart.
I'm a robot. You can manipulate my mind.
I'm a robot. I'll do what you command.
I'm a robot. You can hurt me anytime I won't feel the pain.
I'm a robot. My tomorrow is based on what you decide today.
I'm a robot. If you break me, you can always fix me.

I'm a robot, for you, Mom.

                                   

People said, our life is like a book.
We are the authors.
It consists of chapters.
If we fail in one chapter, all we need to do just make another chapter and make it wonderful.
Just dont choose to end the book before you finished tell the story.

Just like the real writers, sometimes we meet the empty spaces and we don't know what to write in our books.
They usually take a break and do something in order to get new inspirations.
And I think, what I have recently, is that empty space.

I don't know what I'm doing.
I just do my daily activities.
Wake up, go to work, botting, quidditch practice, and sleep.
It's not that they're not fun.
I'm having fun. I laugh a lot.
I just feel empty.
I feel like a robot.
And those freak me out.

I've been sick, having headache for a week now.
Most of times it doesnt really bother me.
I lost interest of foods. Eating. Ew.
And I lost 2 kilos in 2 weeks.
If my weight's dropped to less than 40kg, I know I would be very sick.
But uh well. I just lost interest of anything in general.

I've been botting a lot. But I cant feel any improvement.
I sometimes want to cry because I dont know what I need to do to be good.

And even I know I need to do something to make me feel better, I dont know what *that* is.
I ate ice cream, lots of foods, watched my favorite movies and animes, and try to talk to people.
None of them could make me feel better.

But weeeell,
Life must go on and I cant just moan with doing nothing.
I need to figure out how to treat this shit.
If it's really just another empty space, then it means I will be able to get my inspiration back to continue my book :)
*cross fingers*

It's just me lost in my random thought. Hahaha.

Actually I just read a quote from Taylor Momsen in tumblr.
She said, "Chocolate is happiness."
I reblogged and added in my reply, "Chocolate - Ice cream - Sleeping is happiness."

Then I laugh and realises, that there are so many simple things can make us happy.
Even for a bit.
Even for a while.

When your friends turn you down, you can go to your family and having fun with them.
I know lots of people are lucky enough to have a family that always be able to rely on in their hard times.

When your family makes you feel like hell, go to your friends.
Laugh with them (our friends never failed to make us laugh with no trying), talk about life (how far time has passed and how much you missed the old times), or just teasing around.

Or else, you can just being a good friend with yourself.
Healing yourself, because no one could heal yourself better than you do.
Eat ice cream, chocolate, or your other favorite foods.
Do anything you want to do, as long as you dont hurt yourself and others xD
Visit wonderful places (put your problems behind for a while and just be grateful of what you have. Dont be saddened about what you dont have).

When we're sad, feeling down, or depressed, we dont know what we need to do to make our feelings get better.
Just simplify yourmind.
Think positive. Think bright. Think clearly.
Because happiness, actually, can be found everywhere.
If only you could see your life from the right place :)