But then my father died with me witnessed what probably was the last 15 minutes of his life.
It went downhill from there because I was incredibly close to him.
There's no more birthday greetings in the morning, no more cakes, no more pocket money to read my fave books, no more riding bikes, no more meeting my Mom and siblings everyday...

It felt like God was unfair to take my father who was a really good guy and He should've taken the other worse guys instead.
My uncle and aunt were more than kind to take me in.
They were probably a better pair to raise me than my own parents. But I wasn't that thankful for them until more than 10 years afterwards.

I know I gave them a hard time by not being a good kid.
I skipped schools sometimes. I stole money to rent and buy books - then straightly threw them away because I couldn't be caught having them (I was anyway). 

I stopped being friendly and most of the time, I just isolated myself thinking how miserable my life was.

God. I have to apologize to them one day.

They didn't put me in university because they had limited money and they have three younger boys than me whose lives should be prioritized.
I 100% understand and NOT judging them about the decision in any way.
I completely understood when they put me in one-year college instead.

But God is always kind.
And my aunt was the kindest woman I've ever met so it should've been because of her too that my life has been amazing ever since.

In that college, I got straight A's. Graduated as the best student in the Jabodetabek region.
A friend of my friend who owned a small company came to our graduation party using my invitation (because no one wanted to come to my graduation) and it just happened that he was looking for an employee.
He asked me to give him a CV and I was interviewed the next week.
And straightly got the job.

I spent five years working for him.
I learnt a lot.
It was my comfort zone.
But I finally came to my mind that I had to pursue better opportunities.

Back before I started working, I watched The Devil Wears Prada movie and for the first time ever it struck me that I wanted to be a personal assistant.
I know that it's not great for a dream job.
But it's a start, coming from me who never dared to dream having anything at all.

So I started looking for a personal assistant job.
And I went for an interview five times for a company - but didn't get it in the end due to an organization restructuring they did.
Bummed. But I kept looking for my way out.

Around a year after, I got interviewed as a Customer Service Relations - or what I think should be a Relocation Coordinator instead, in a multinational company.
I was excited because when I went there, I found out that many of the employees had been working there for decades. So I thought it must've been a good company.

And just when I thought I would never find a more comfortable place than my previous company... I did.

I was in one team consisted with all girls.
Our manager, ibu Fia, was a smart lady with whom I got along really well.
We had lunch almost everyday together, talked about life, religions, life choices.
I loved being busy at work so it was a perfect job for me.

Until the previous company I had five interviews with called me and offered me my dream job.

I remember that I met Yogi, the HR, at Starbucks Grand Indonesia East Mall on Sunday at 4 PM.
And I went home feeling really nervous because he offered me my dream job.
I remember texting my family group at Whatsapp and they seemed thrilled with the news.
I remember talked about it with ibu Fia too.
She said it was a good opportunity I shouldn't miss.
No longer before that, I just had my salary raised due to my good performance.
I even talked with the director, Pak Bill, about my future in the company and I said I was really excited about my job here.
Pak Bill, I hope you know that I didn't lie.

Ibu Fia was only worry because of the Indian stereotype - my next boss would be Indian. But it was quickly brushed off because Yogi said he was like a Bapak for him and Yogi himself just joined back to the company after taking his master degree abroad.
So I thought, he must be a hell of good boss :)

There are so many things I still remember about leaving ibu Fia and team, also joining the new company and adapting.
I feel like I'm still adapting.

Every time I came home, I talked to Naufal how overwhelming it was, working with CEOs and Directors, contacting important people, having colleagues who once studied in universities I could never got into.
And it still is.

But my boss, or Bapak, as we call him, made me feel like at home.
With his warmth, hugs, smiles, patience, teaching, and supports.
After my three months there, we had talk and he gave me such a nice review.
He said, "If there are ten smart people in the room and I had to pick two, one of them would be you".
It just boosted my confidence.
And I think I really did better after that.

Since the first day I met Bapak, in the job interview, Bapak asked me about my future planning.
Whether I'd like to continue studying.
And he kept pushing me to do it even more after that.
Especially later when he subtly told me that he's retired and would like to see me preparing for a better future before he left.
That day, I left the room in tears and ran to mbak Lita's to cry.
I was so touched and happy there's someone who thinks of my self and my future like he does, while he only knew me for several months then.
Bapak gave me suggestions on which university to go, which major to take, and what should I plan for the future.

And yesterday I went to first seminar in the university I chose and is officially a university student now.
Thanks to Bapak and his never ending support.

Today, 18 years and 4 months after what feels like the worst day of my life, I'm in a place far above it.

I had lost my biological father, but God has given me many other father figure in my life. From my uncle, my bosses, and the directors at work who sometimes feels more like annoying older brothers instead of fathers.
I have my dream job, plus a new job of doing something I think I'll like a lot: Marketing.
Just found out about that a week before Bapak retired that I would be assigned to marketing. I remember gave him a shock face and he asked, "That's what you'd like, right?"

My relationship with my family is not 100% perfect.
But we don't fight even though I still call Bogor home.
I don't have an endless count of people I call friends, but that's even better.
My colleagues are good friends and I can count on them anytime.
Financially, I'm better.
I'm supporting my brother and saving for university, but I still can eat nice meals and going to concerts too. Really can't complain.

Several years ago, if I had a time machine, I would go back and would try anything to prevent my father's death.
But today, if I had a time machine, I would go back only to tell my 8 year old me: "Everything will be fine and you'll do great. Just keep doing your best and put lots of trust on God. Just hang in there".

If you, whoever you are, read this to the end, I also want to tell you the same.
Everything will be fine.
Just hang in there.