A LETTER FROM ME

I just think about him and write something to him.
Wish he’ll read it.

**

Dear my lovely and best man in the whole world,
Sorry for bothering you. Again.
It seems like I couldn’t move on right?
Oh please, don’t laugh at me.
That’s true, I just cant move on.
Move on? Then forget you? Nope. Never.
I wanna stay here. Still remember you. Still love you.

Ok, I admit.
I miss you, Pap. As usual.
Do you miss me?
I wish you do.

I just think if you still here, still with me, still ALIVE.
Ehm, that ‘alive’ word make me have a tummy attack hahaha.
Do you proud of me?
I’m not as good as you hope to.
I’m bad.
I just don’t know how to make my life, a lil full after you’re gone.

I miss you, Pap.
Are you bored with those words?

I miss our time.
I miss the way you talk.
I miss the time we’re together. Studying, working on machine, being carpenters, biking, jogging, riding vespa around town, shopping, go to Taman Mini, walking around Jatinegara.
I wanna go to those places again. Taman Mini and Jatinegara.
Those are the last places that you and me went to.
I miss your exercises every morning.
I miss your guitar and harmonica. Teach me please, huh?
I miss go to Tawangmangu, with you.
I miss your life.

It’s tiring to cry everytime I think of you.
I wanna live with a normal family, somehow.
I have the greatest Papa in the whole world who love his family more than anything.
Why must I lose that?
I know your ‘life’ now is better.
Maybe mine, too.
But I need you. Your love. Your careness.
I miss your hugs and your ‘goodnight’ greetings.
Don’t you know that?

Ok, it’s nonsense if I write this.
It wont stop.
I cant even stop it.

I note a point, I miss you.
Got it, Pap?
Good. Bye now.
Love you, always.


Sincerely yours,


Chita