Hello Papa, it's been sixteen years since I saw you last.
Usually there are tears but today, they weren't here.
Well I did a little cry yesterday when I listen to songs that remind me of you (there's a lot, okay!) but then I realized how happy I feel this year.

Yes, Papa. I am happy.
I feel happy, blessed, and very grateful.
My life has been great.
It's always been, but I can see it clearly today.

I have a good job that I like a lot!
My colleagues are really nice and funny and kind.
I live alone in the city we used to live in.
But I always have a place to come home in Bogor.
The relationship with the family is great too.
Aji is studying hard.
Please keep your eyes on him, k?
And I'm surrounded with the best kind of friends!
There are some I don't like, then I'm not keeping them.
Because I believe the God will replace the bad ones with the good ones, only if we have guts to throw the bad ones.
I also have online friends that are so nice and kind like we're friends in real life.
I really hope we can meet one day!

That's from me, Papa.

And you.
How are you?
Are you okay?
Are you happy?
Are you sad?
I miss you, always.
I really hope you can come see me in my dreams.
We can have a talk. Or laugh.
Or neither. Just sitting.
Or hugging.
I promise I won't cry like the last time we met.

Anyway, I want to thank you.
To teach my to read and love English.
To be my father.
I'm blessed.
I don't want to trade father, even though the other father lives a lot longer than you :P

Okay so,
Happy deathday, Papa!
I miss you <3


Your daughter,
Chita

1. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
Praying. I woke up quite lately so it was a rushing pray.

2. When you walk into a cafe, what do you typically order?
Vanilla or green tea frapucinno. Anything without coffee but with whip cream.

3. What's the one word you are guilty of using too often?
"It's like" haha.

4. What is the last thing you searched for on Google?

Shakespeare & Co bookstore in Paris ❤

5. Who is the last person that called or texted you?

Luksie, my roommate. We talked about what dinner we would have.

6. What's the wallpaper on your phone and/or computer?

On phone, cats.

On computer, a good photograph of Earth.

Everyday, I specifically ask God to make me a better person.
And I think, being a better person is not about the result, but rather about the journey.
God doesn't make me wiser or smarter overnight, but He'll put me in a situation that can make me wiser and smarter. Which if I could pass it, I will be exactly as what I prayed.

And I'm in a journey to be a better person everyday.
So I tried to be more heedful.
As I grow older, I meet more people from many backgrounds and with many personalities.
The ones that I didn't think I could meet but then I do.
Especially since I join a new company.
Before I thought expatriate in my country only sit in highest positions but now here, they're sitting in the same cubicles as locals.
Before I thought my previous boss was humble and kind enough, but my recent boss is even MORE humble and kinder and funnier in many ways and it makes me love him so much!
Before I thought I couldn't find co-workers like my previous ones, but my recent co-workers are as lovely as them (even though I still miss my old co-workers a lot too!)
Before I thought there's no stronger bound like my previous company, but my recent company's employees have even STRONGER bound!

God always replaces things with better things, every time.
I never doubt that.
Yet He still proves that it's true and make my faith even bigger.

I used to moan and complain about Monday but for the last few weeks, I didn't.
I enjoy and is excited of Monday because there's a weekly meeting which is fun because it's so casual and not boring, it's also very much shorter than we did in my previous company.

I also have my good friend as my roommate.
My relationship with my family is stronger than ever.

Dear God,
I would never be able to thank You enough for all these blessings.
I can't even count it.
Thank you so much for the best part of  my life... yet!
I believe you still have a lot to surprise me later :)

Naik gunung!
Ke desa :D
Ke curug gratiiiiis :D
Snorkling
Took underwater photos
Swam in 3 meters deep pond
Naik motor ke curug - nearly off road
Naik motor bertiga (kakang-dimas, noya-dieni, arief-rama, frizi-dieni)
Main badminton (beneran)!
Naik sepeda keliling kebun raya
Ga pulang - ga tidur semaleman
On a car trip with male friends only
Nganter temen ke airport :(
Keliling kota naik mobil - loved it!
Went on 30 hours road car drive :(
Makan sepiring berdua with a male friend haha
GET CREDIT CARDS!
Bought things from e-bay
Sleeping in a tent
Cooking in an open place
Volunteering
Kondangan sampe jam 1 pagi
Speak in front of my whole BIG family
Masak di kompor tungku with the real kayu bakar and all that jazz

Kaligesing, Purworejo - Klaten - Jogja - Solo (24-29 Dec 2015)
Gunung Guntur (15-17 Aug 2015)
Last day in ISC (31 Dec 2015)
Umbul Ponggok
Europe on Screen
Festival Buah dan Bunga Nusantara
Curug Hejo - Curug Cepet
Curug Bidadari - Gunung Pancar (20 Sept 2015)
Chiko <3 >:3
Lulu <3
Solo - Yogya (2-6 April 2015)
Anak Kosan cantik <3
Christmas card from Joey <3
Postcard from Noyara
YOAI
Batman Member Card (LOL)
Bonceng tiga Noya - Dieni - Chita
Bonceng tiga Frizi - Dieni - Chita
Birthday cake from Hanna, Luksie, Zia
Zia's birthday and farewell
Nonton bareng Tanda Tanya
Perpisahan mba Murti
Mba Irma Jeddy <3
Syuting film Sisir Production sama Nisa, Rama, Jono, Dede
Paddington Bear
Giving up Alvatar the persian kitten :(
All-nighter at Bowo's (22 Aug 2015)
Nizar back to Banjar (23 Aug 2015)
Dieni & Frizi <3
Luksie & masnya <3
Icha went to the Netherland :(
Joey Stark of Nottingham
Top Gear broke up :(
Richard Hammond!
Badminton!
PASG <3
Sepedaan di Kebun Raya
Meet up Nisa - Chita - Dini
Flower plants
Soto kuning

I told Luksie a few weeks ago that 2015 was one of my hardest years (second hardest, probably, after the year when my father died). But then God proved me that my life is much better and He is much kinder than I thought.
God gave me the perfect ending in 2015.
Not only for me, but also for my whole family - from paternal side.
We got to meet our big family who we never met for approximately 35 years!
And everyone was super kind and suuuuuper nice!
We laughed and talked like good friends.
And even though we can't remember each other's names yet, we still try to talk and catch up.

I learn one BIG thing: kindness is really a legacy that you should leave behind.

My father died more than 15 years ago.
Many people even hadn't seen him longer than that.
But they remember him so well.
When I introduce my self as his daughter, people put nice faces, shook my hand, smiled, and told me the kindness my father did to them. Some even gave me foods and stuffs.
Even after he died, my father always leaves me with good traces I'm always grateful of.
Thank you, Papa.

I also got to climb a mountain, went to a hike, and got wet in some waterfalls (one of them was in front of my great-grandmother's house!).
Half of the experiences was with my friends, the other half was with my families. So it was even.

I spent less money on book than I did in 2014 because I bought many books from bazaar haha.

I moved out of the house and went to live with Icha and Luksie, then met Winda, Zia, and Hanna. They made kost-life easy and fun and unforgettable!
Even now we're going in our own ways, I hope we can reunite again later.
I'm forever grateful for you, girls.
Thank you for many things <3

I spent 3 days in Solo (other than Karanglo, Tawangmangu lol) and it was wonderful.
I love Solo.
It's a quiet, lovely city.
I love the night market.
I love the foods.
I love the people.
I promise I'll be back again one day :)

I went snorkeling! And I LOVE IT A LOT OMG the feeling of being a mermaid, no worrying about taking your breath and seeing the fishes underwater.
I'll definitely try it again before I die!

2015 is the year when I'm moving forward, one of them is leaving the place I've been working at for the last five years.
Five years is not a short time.
I first joined when I was a teenager and now I'm (nearly) an adult.
I'm familiar with Brad as I am with my own self.
Mba Wulan is closer to me than any of my siblings.
Mba Murti knows me much better than my own mother does.
I laugh with mba Irma and Agung more often than with any of my friends.
But life goes on.
There are parts of the world I haven't seen yet.
There are challenges that are waiting to be conquered.
So I left my comfort zone and joined a new company start on January 7th.

I met someone from my past again.
The first boy of many things in my life.
But I made a mistake. Or more than just a mistake, possibly.
I guess it's a part of the story than can't be helped to happen.
I've learnt my lessons.
I realize that when you break someone's heart, it'll break yours too. 

As for friends. I lost a couple.
I called it natural selection.
I don't mind having people leaving.
If we're meant to be friends, we won't need to hurt ourselves to fit into each other's lives.
And I knew that just because we don't eat a lion doesn't mean he won't eat us, but I can't help but being sad when people thought differently of what we're doing.
When you put someone as your priority but they don't return the favor, I think you need to cut them off of your life.
Unless you are very strong at heart, which I'm not.

So many great things happened in 2015.
I still can't cook nor drive nor read a Dutch book nor knit nor get a quidditch MVP but I still call 2015 a great year!

I'm so thankful for every laughter I shared with families, friends, ex-friends, and strangers.
I'm thankful for the tears which I believe every single tear had made me stronger,
I'm thankful for new people in my life.
I'm thankful for being shown who are my real friends and which ones are the fakes.
I'm thankful for the dramas because that makes my personality even LESS dramatic.
I'm thankful for my solid, strong, fun family. Please keep us stay together forever.

I'm praying that 2016 will be a better year.
But I'm not only praying.
I'm also believing and working hard so it will really be a better year.

Alhamdulillah :)