2020, GOODBYE!

For me, 2020 is definitely not the best year, but it’s still far from the worst year.

This year I had so much time reflecting, thinking, and making time for my self. 
I learned more that I’ve ever done before.

Until 3 years ago, I was trying to be comfortable with myself. 

Making me my own best friend. And it feels like the hard work then had paid off.

Now, I feel comfortable spending days, weeks, and months alone in my room. 

Trying to entertain and educate my self. 
Making the best team work consisting of me, my self, and I, trying to cope up as we spend day by day together.

What do we want to eat? Can we cook it? It doesn’t meet our expectations? Okay, we can try again one day.
What type of exercise do we want to do today? Are we too tired to go out to bike? Fine, let’s do yoga instead.
What do we want to do to relax today? Books? Anime? BTS videos? Or should we just sleep it off? 
What time do we want to work on those papers and essays? This weekend? We’ll need to work twice harder then but if it’s okay for us then let’s do it this weekend.
Are we stressed? Do we want to take days off work? Do we need long walk outside? Does talking to a friend help? Let’s sit down first and think.

And hundreds of me trying to understand and compromise with my self.

I’ve been doing researches and experiments on my own body to understand how it works, what do I need to do to get a specific result I want, how to get the best from my self... 

I’m never easy on my self. Since ever.
But I’ve learned how to compromise.
I found that compromising with myself is a way for me to be happy.

I no longer want to torture myself by waking up early even though I sleep late.
But I have to set up limit up to where I can slack off, so it doesn’t actually ruin the pattern.

Life is (perhaps) long and like a marathon. 

I don’t want to have the rest of my life hating my own self for being so hard on me.
Sometimes we need to work hard.
Sometimes we need to rest, pat ourselves in the back, and say “Good job, Chita!”

2020 is a time when I can finally enjoy the hard work I did, learning to be comfortable with my self and appreciate little things in life. 

When my life is now confiscated into a mere bedroom without laughing with friends, trips to museums and art galleries, watching live concerts, traveling to see families, and eating good food, I learn what is actually priorities in my life. 

What is and is not I really need to live and to be happy. 

Of course I would still go to concerts and traveling once it's all over, but now I know those things don't really define my happiness. 

I know now that I am content with my self and whatever I have in my bedroom. 

2020, you are an unforgettable and meaningful year I would not want to experience ever again. 

But still I thank you for all the lessons you've brought. 

Goodbye!