My mother is special.
She is silly.
She has younger soul than me.
She has a bigger heart than me.
She has warmer arms than me.
She has brightest smile than me.
She is stronger than me.
She loves me, when I ignored her.
She gave me space.
She never questioned me and all my weird decisions. .
She doesn't understand me, and she never tried to.
And it's okay. Because she doesn't need to.
She just understands, that she only needs to be there for me.
To be happy and healthy.
And just to be there.
Because she's my home.
She is my life.
She is my light.
She is the best part of me.
She is my angel.
She is my mother.

I love you, mother.
I love you.

Forever isn't for everyone. Is forever for you?
- Snap Out of It - Arctic Monkeys (AM, 2013.

When I was younger, I pretty much didn't have many things that I wanted.
I was a realist, still a realist.
But now I believe about things, dreams, wishes, desires, and if I really work on them, they could really come true. Which I didn't, back when I was a teenager.
Silly, I know.

I have a great and truly inspiring coworker.
She's much older and I love learning everything from her.
And one about the wishing bit she told her was that everything we wished, hoped, wanted, even though we didn't really work on it, could come true.
Even it's in weeks, months, years, but it will eventually come true.
And that changed my point of view in big ways.

In my previous post I told about how my previous dreams all came true.
And now I basically left with no dreams lol.
Well, I still want to continue my education.
But this silly me still doesn't know what I want to be.
I would love to have a bakery or nice bookshop someday.
So I would probably need to take a baking course.

Other than that, I, sure, know I want to live abroad someday.
England, precisely. But anywhere English country, really.
But that's most unlikely to happen in any close time.
Unless, of course, if God said so.

And the other day, I had this light chat with my friend, Sam.
She lives in US and had lived in London, as well France.
I told her I would love to visit London someday, and she said she wouldn't let me visit London without her.
Then I think that it could really happen.
I mean, in my young age. Not in 10 years later or so.
I could really start saving my money and see if God gives me a way.

So other than taking baking course, live abroad, and visit London, I have one other big dreams: buying a nice house.
I'm not an out person. I spend most of my free times at home. Sitting in front of my laptop, watching movies, reading books, listening to music, watching concert videos, or writing a blog post, sometimes.
I go out only when I need to, like seeing friends, buying stuffs, eating, or seeing movies.
So I really want to have a nice house.
Not a big one, no, I don't quite a fan of big house. They kinda scare me lol.
Just a nice one. Comfy one.

And those are my new dreams.
Are you supposed to have big dreams when you're 22?
I think so.
When you have your own income, you've seen, heard, experienced more things than when you were a teenager, I think you're supposed to have bigger dreams.
But big things come with big responsibilities.
You know what?
I'm ready for them.

Do you remember what you wished when you were 5? Or 10? Or 15?
Nope? Me neither.
I grew wishing my Dad comes back alive after I was 8. And I didn't remember what I wished other than that.
But after I worked and could buy things I wanted, I started make wishing list - or things to buy.
And the first I made it was middle of 2012.
I wrote it in the google document. But I never checked it again after then.
I wrote it only as a declaration for my self, that those are things I want to buy, but not necessarily I must buy in very soon-ish.
I never remembered that particular list until recently, few days or so.
After I finally found English version of Harry Potter books I wanted so much, and finally, bought it!
Then I told my friend, "You know, this is what I've been wanted since God knows when."
And she told me, "God is kind, right? You may not remember when you wish it, but He still gives you."
Then I remembered, I had this one little list of things I wanted to buy. I found and read it.
And guess what, ALL of my wishing list have been come true!
I've bought all of things I wanted back in 2012. And I didn't even plan it!
Even more, the things I wanted that was not in the list!

The things I put on the list were basically things I always wanted for a long time.
Or things I really really really want.
One of them was Harry Potter books English version, which I've always wanted since what, I'm 15?
And I put them there because I'm not sure I could afford to buy them all, or at least in one year time.
But God made it comes true.
Not only He granted it in only 1,5 year time, He also lets me to buy them all by my own money!

Then I realized, that God really listens to every single wish, every single pray, that you may not say it, but your heart did.
We usually just complain on how He never listens to our prayings, and the things we think we need right now are the ones we don't have.
But we're wrong.
God knows the best time to make your wishes come true.
God knows the best way to make your wishes come true.
And God will make your wishes come true, when you're least expecting it.

New season is coming up!
This is my first season as an RQTer. So I'm really excited for this season!
Beside few weeks ago I had a talk with Nathan about how fun this season will be.
Maya may or may not be with RQT this season.
And Kirra most likely won't be. 
But RQT has few new members (and probably oldbie returning!) and they are so nice!
One of them, Katsuro - or Kat- is the one newbie I'm rather close to.
We botted together a lot, and even it looks like I beat the hell outta him, I bet he'll be better than me in times.
Arielle and Kharz as new captains have provide us with so many fun practices.
Survivor games with 3+ extra souls, whacky bludgers games I don't recall the name, ickyviews, and today we had teams botting (which was crazy because it was Nathan vs Kharz and I and we lost >__>)
Also today was the first game of the season: HQT vs GQT.
It's nice to show Kat what a real game was like. Even the game itself wasn't going nicely XD
It's been so great being in RQT. It's only like, what, 4 months now?! Yet I feel so welcomed everyday.
And I just can't stop being grateful with whom I'm with here.
So many lessons, so many fun times, so many talks, so many laughts, so many yells, so many many good experiences.

Gue tau, banyak yang komplain tentang kenapa gue susah banget diajak ketemu, kenapa bilangnya ga bisa ketemu padahal taunya gue cuma santai-santai di rumah ga kemana-mana, kenapa kalo ketemu maunya jam-jam tertentu aja?

Well here.
Gue akui, pertama, gue itu adalah orang yang sangat amat rumahan. Terutama setelah kerja.
Kerja dari Senin-Jum'at, ketemu banyak orang, ngurusin banyak hal, bikin gue capek dan butuh waktu buat ngenetralin perasaan jenuh dan capek sewaktu kerja.
Mungkin itu kenapa gue kalo kerja selalu keliatan happy dan enjoy.
Gue suka ngebagi waktu, minggu ini keluar rumah, minggu depan di rumah aja, dst.
Karena kalo setiap weekend gue abisin keluar rumah, pas weekdaynya gue bakalan capek dan jadinya jenuh.
Kalo di rumah, walau gue cuma beresin kamar, botting, ngobrol via Skype atau irc, denger lagu, nonton film, main handphone, tapi badan gue udah ngecharge lagi buat hari-hari ke depannya.
Jadi, gue sebenernya mau kok keluar rumah, cuma ga tiap minggu :D

Dan pulang malem.
Ini yang terutama.
Ga banyak orang yang ngerti kalo gue ga suka banget pulang malem.
Ga suka banget.
Dan pulang malem yang paling bisa gue toleransi adalah jam setengah 7 sampe rumah.
Mungkin karena dari dulu selalu dipesen kalo sebelum Magrib harus udah di rumah, jadi sampe umur 22 pun gue jadi merasa nyaman kalo sebelum Magrib udah ada di rumah.
Lagian, gue itu termasuk yang cepet ngantuk (walau tidurnya tetep telat).
Ya intinya, gue ga nyaman aja kalo jam 5 sore belum siap-siap pulang ke rumah haha.

So there,
Kesimpulannya: gue adalah orang yang membutuhkan banyak waktu me-time dan bukan tipe yang bisa ditemui keliaran di luar rumah sehabis Magrib (only special occassion) :D

Semenjak gue sekolah, gue punya temen-temen yang punya kesukaan dan ketidaksukaan macem-macem. Ada yang ga suka nasi, atau makanan tertentu. Dimana gue waktu itu adalah penyuka segala. Semua makanan enak bagi gue. Semua jenis makanan oke di mulut gue. Gue pikir waktu itu gue punya kelainan karena ga bisa ngebedain mana makanan yang disuka dan yang ga disuka haha. Tapi ternyata cuma masalah waktu. Belum saatnya.

Seiring dengan berjalannya waktu, gue bertambah tua dan dewasa, gue semakin tau apa yang gue mau. Dan dengan itu juga gue jadi punya hal-hal yang gue suka dan tidak suka. Bahkan ada juga hal-hal yang ga bisa gue toleransi sama sekali.
Dan sebaliknya, ada hal-hal yang tadinya gue ga suka, sekarang udah mulai bisa menerima dan biasa.

Gue masih ga suka hujan, masih ga begitu suka pantai.
Dulu gue ga bisa toleransi sama perokok, pasti gue judesin di mana pun kapanpun. Tapi sekarang gue udah bisa toleransi dan berpikir, "Suka-suka lo deh!" walau pasti masih gue judesin kalo orangnya ngerokok ga liat-liat situasi, kondisi, dan tempat.
Dulu gue termasuk fobia darah, temen-temen deket gue waktu sekolah dulu pasti tau. Tapi sekarang udah biasa aja, walau masih ga suka bau darah.
Dulu pulang malem seneng-seneng aja, karena bisa main sama temen lama-lama. Tapi sekarang ga suka sama sekali dan pulang malem cuma buat ketemu sama orang-orang tertentu yang syaratnya juga banyak. Oh, dan kalo lembur kerja.
Dulu gue suka berbagai macam makanan dan minuman. Tapi sekarang, udah ga kuat soda, ga begitu suka nasi (jadi ga tiap hari makan nasi), ga begitu suka mie, ga suka banget mie ayam, tenggorokan gue juga jadi sensitif banget sama bahan pengawet, ga suka pepaya, ga suka pisang, ga suka bau kulit ayam, ga suka manis-manis, ga suka santan-santanan, dan lain-lain.
Dimana, dulu-dulu, gue malah seneng banget makan makanan di atas.
Tapi gue masih makan eskrim hampir setiap minggu. Masih suka bakso. Masih suka oreo. Masih suka potato chips (walau Chitato sekarang terasa aneh bagi gue).

Dipikir-pikir, lucu ya, badan kita beradaptasi sama lingkungan dan pengalaman yang tubuh kita alami.
Dia menyortir sendiri dan menentukan mana yang kita suka dan ga suka.
Gue berharap nanti ada saatnya di mana tubuh gue membuat gue ga suka susu dan daging merah.
Bukan karena gue sakit tentunya. Jangan sampe.