FRIENDSHIP, QUESTION MARK

I never took easy on a friendship.Even it's kind of friendship between me and a stranger I met in a train.
Or a friendship of me and my childhood friend I've known for years.

It's not easy for me to consider someone as my friend.
For me, there are best friends, good friends, hey-we-used-to-be-bestfriend friend, friends, we-talked-a-bit friends, and I-know-your-name friends.
And I dont classify which one in where. Time does.

I'm not a perfect friend. Nor looking for a perfect friendship.
I'm not the type who will expect you to be awake at freaking 2 am because I cry and I need you to listen to me.
I also wont screw up your plan just because I need to go shopping and I dont want to be alone.
If I consider you as my good/best friend, then I just ask for your trust and you to be trusted.

When I say I love you, it means I really do.
So does when I say "you can trust me" and "I trust you".
That doesnt mean, "You can trust me now but if you hurt me once I will put your crime in the newspaper"
And so I hope when you have my trust you wont be "Omg sorry I think I can tell that story to other people".
If you do then hhahahahshahsdjskf tyvm. Your job is done in my life.

It's not that I cant forgive people.
Well, I doubt myself on forgiving. But I dont do revenge. Or do something with intentions of making they mad.
Making myself happy is more important than making people mad.
But sometimes, what makes me happy is making people mad.

It's a lie if I said it doesnt hurt  for 'removing' people from my life.
It does. It reaaaally really does.
And even it's been yeaaars, when I look back to that time, it still hurts.
So if some times later they come to my face expecting I've forgotten everything, I dont.
And never wont. Unless my head gets injured.

So, for those people who think I'm a selfish person. Maybe I am.
I can say that there's no one who will protect me so it's just I'm being overprotective with myself.
I've been hurt a lot by those people I cant remove from my life because of blood relations called family.
So when someone else with no blood relations hurt me deeply, I wont be thinking twice to remove them.
My life has already enough pain and if you want to leave me any scar, you better gtfo and find yourself the better friend.

Sincerelly,

Me.