I wrote this a few days ago while I was at work and had so many painful thoughts in mind, but my heart kept telling me that "Everything happens for a very good reason."

Now, is 10:21 am.
Not a midday yet, but I have so many questions in my head.

People said, the love of a mother would never abandoned you in life.
So, why did my mother forget 20 of my birthdays and never called me to ask if I'm still alive?
Does she really not care or she just trust me I would survive and be alive even she hasn't heard anything from me for 10 months straight?

People said, what you have is what you deserve.
Does that mean I don't deserve my dad?
The only person I want to live forever with, the only one I loved so much with all of my heart, the one and only regret in my life.
Or God just love him so much He wanted him to live much better on His side? And by that, my dad can be with me wherever I go, grow up together with me in my heart?

People said, it's a good thing to make people around you happy.
But what if that the only person that care about my happiness is myself? And I feel like obligate of it. So I stop caring about those who doesn't care about me.
Contradiction, what if the life is not about yourself, never about yourself? What if the happiness will be found in the process of making people happy?

People said, life without a problem is not a life at all.
But how does one solve so many problems at once with no place to run into.
God, is the answer.
God never gives any problem that you can't handle. So when you have a problem, just believe that God knows you can handle it. Why do you need to doubt yourself when God trust you?

People said, family is what all you have when everything in the world turn you down.
What if the family who turn you down? What do I have left? Where do I need to run to?
I don't know about this one.

For 2012, I'm thankful for lots of things, lots of people I'm with, achievements I earned, and new things I've experienced.

For HOL.
For Allison Sullivan
For Sam, Amys, Kayla, Poki, Alaia, Rorey, RQT.
For those who supported me when I thought I was really alone.
For Quidditch, it's the first time I knew what my fave sport is.
For Summer 2012. For the very first time I could appreciated the time of summer.

For Doctor Who & Sherlock. For giving me lots of pleasure I almost barely had.
For movies I loved. Which gave me lessons without experiencing them.

For my job, my colleagues, my boss, for every rupiah they paid, for every overtime I had.
With those money I could bought things I needed, I could give a little help to few people, I could give smiles to some.

For my laptop, phone, internet, the blogs I run, every point & bean I've earned in HOL, every question I answered in bots and quidditch games, and every contest I was in.
For Cinderella & The Stepsisters team. Thanks for experiencing being in second place with me. It was awesome! Thanks Sophia and Nathan.

Special for Fathia Rezqy.
Thank you for staying in my life and not run away.
Even when I was being a jerk, pushing and rejecting people away.
Thanks for caring, accepting, and understanding me - while no one did.
For the laughs and the smiles, the craziness, the foods, the stupid conversation we had.
I hope I can have you in life forever.

Another special for Sam and Ravenclaw Quidditch Team.
Thank you, thanks a million times for accepting me, the lost lion, a lonely squib, an eagle-wanna be, to become a small part of the family.
Thanks for never asked "Who are you and why are you in our room?"
You didn't know how much that was meant to me.

And the top of all,
Thanks for God, my only one savior of my life.
Who still lets me live and alive, breathe, being healthy, and having the complete body of mine still until today.
Who never stopped giving me another chances even I wasted them away.
Who made a precious life and good path for me even I always doubt on them.
Thanks for every single thing I never realized it was Him all along.

Thank you.

I'm not a good person. I've never been.
I pushed away people who cared to me, I rejected them, and I threw away those who hurted me once.

My happiness is my priority.
Call me selfish, but it's only because no one else cared about my happiness, so it's only myself who cares about me.

Whoever try to screw up with me, I'll cut them off my life, never thought twice.
It doesn't mean I never cared about them though.
When I was with people, I didn't fake my care, my love, my laugh, or anything I chose to share with them.
So did I, when I chose to stay away from them. I never faked it.

Them and I are like a food you don't like.
You ate them once, you promised to not eat them again. Even so, you're okay to see people eating that foods, or when you see the foods. You just don't want to eat them again.
I think, that's about right to describe it.

But yeah, for those I've been hurting, I'm sorry. And thanks for giving me lessons I couldn't get if I always meet the right person.

You can always be thankful in life.

Albus - My lovely laptop
L - My lovely phone
FCV - Lebaran 2012
Dufan with Naufal, Fira, and Icha
New waterbottle
HOL ops April 2012-November 2012
Ravenclaw Quidditch Team
Swaggerjagger
Neverland
Junior Prefect
Squib
Summer Quidditch League 2012
SQL Official 2012
My bots (Killua, Kaede, Kaito, Wall-E, and etc)
Doctor Who
Sherlock
Perahu Kertas
5 cm
Habibie & Ainun
Zafran
Farewell bu Andri & mba Leoni
Brownies talas
Game of Thrones
Coldplay
Test Pack (movie)
Reza Rahadian
Herjunot Ali
Raline Shah
Fedi Nuril
The Hunger Games
My brother moved in
Bapple & Banana
Hanamasa
HOL
mIRC
Breaking Dawn Part II
RED
Two Door Cinema Club
Mylo Xyloto
Tumblr
Twitter
Whatsapp
Tanner Patrick
Connie Talbot
Gamaliel & Audrey
Glee
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
The Dark Knight Rises
Imagine Dragons
Glee season 3
Cheesecake
HOL pets
Quidditch
MVP SQL
Scoring in quiddy
Blocked 1 against Nathan
Karen Gillan
The Weeping Angels team
My gran’s passed away 05-08-12
cookiesclub
OMGCookies
Full Metal Panic

Bahagia itu sederhana.


Makan es krim favorite.
Denger lagu lama yg masih lo inget liriknya.
Kirim email selamat liburan ke temen-temen yg udah lama ga ngobrol sama lo (dan itu bukan orang-orang yg dulu lo anggep temen dan sekarang ga :P)
Nempel poster baru di kamar.
Tidur beberapa jam tapi pulas banget.
Nonton film yg lo kira ga bagus tapi ternyata bagus banget.
Main game sederhana yg pernah lo mainin dulu.
Dan, sedikit peduli sama orang lain.

Mungkin juga ga sesederhana itu, tapi hari ini gue ngerasain kalo menjadi bahagia itu, bisa didapat dari hal-hal yg sederhana :)

Happy birthday, Six.
Thanks for the opportunity of knowing you for one year.
I wish we could meet again in a pleasant way :)

Life is not always pretty, I knew about that.
But can you lose all at once?

The trust you lend to your best friend,
The laugh you share in the midnight when you can't sleep,
The cliche words that can makes you feel better every time,
The feeling of being protected and loved,
Friends who can make you abandoned your real life to run to them,
The dreams, the hope, the optimistic you've grown up with,
The freedom, bravery, the safety of your heart,
The feeling that tells you to not give up every time you fail,
The ability of flying higher after you fall,
The perfect smile to hide the pain,
The strength to stand on your own feet, alone.

Can you lost it all at once?
Or you just missing an index you can't find them back?